Gregory ......and I may go out on Friday. We will see. I do not know yet if I am available. For some reason, I do not use a single contraction when I am speaking with him. I think it is because he does not use contractions.
Holden ......is the new front runner.
AND WE ALL KNOW HOW GREAT I AM AT PICKING OUT FRONT RUNNERS.
#curlyhair #adorable #SIGH #doomed #ihopenot
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Dating Kiki 2.0: Episode 7 - Felix Crashes and Burn
Review of Felix:current front runner.
former military. fun to chat with.
our plans last week got screwed up, and it was all very puzzling to me
wrote him an honest direct letter, which he never responded to.
We did have pleasant email exchanges and made plans to meet today.
EXCEPT, mid-week, there was yet *another* ODD interaction:
1. Puzzling emails. Nice, making plans, but....off, somehow
2. I finally just asked him to call me (I'd had enough of trying to decipher the subtext of email messages. Just...enough.) Like, CLARITY, NOW!!!
3. Wait for it....
4. HIS PHONE WAS BROKEN. It was at the Sprint store.
5. What a coincidence, I said.
6. He can not come up with a single idea of how to communicate with voice. Doesn't know any of his neighbors (what?), no webcam therefore no skype.
7. He has a knack for not quite answering even direct questions. His answers are replete w/ little inconsistencies.
8. He concludes that "it seems I don't trust him."
9. And then signs off.
10. Haven't heard from him since.
I ended up googling a little...and found that the picture he uses online is also used on other social networking sites, and they are all captioned w/ different dates. Like a variance of 6 yrs. (Does it matter? idk...)
NOTE: Online pictures are universally disingenuous, in that we all put our 'best shot' up...((we don't post the ones with our face contorted or where one eye is shut or where things appear to be bulging out of our clothes.)) But to put an old photo and caption it as recent.... seems dishonest to me. Maybe I'm being too harsh.
So, readers, help me out? What the heck could be the issue here? Make me laugh, make me cry, whatever...but any ideas?
My plan:
After I read/assimilate all of your valuable input, I'm going to pick myself up, note any lessons learned, maybe get a pedicure, and soldier on with this experiment!
former military. fun to chat with.
our plans last week got screwed up, and it was all very puzzling to me
wrote him an honest direct letter, which he never responded to.
We did have pleasant email exchanges and made plans to meet today.
EXCEPT, mid-week, there was yet *another* ODD interaction:
1. Puzzling emails. Nice, making plans, but....off, somehow
2. I finally just asked him to call me (I'd had enough of trying to decipher the subtext of email messages. Just...enough.) Like, CLARITY, NOW!!!
3. Wait for it....
4. HIS PHONE WAS BROKEN. It was at the Sprint store.
5. What a coincidence, I said.
6. He can not come up with a single idea of how to communicate with voice. Doesn't know any of his neighbors (what?), no webcam therefore no skype.
7. He has a knack for not quite answering even direct questions. His answers are replete w/ little inconsistencies.
8. He concludes that "it seems I don't trust him."
9. And then signs off.
10. Haven't heard from him since.
I ended up googling a little...and found that the picture he uses online is also used on other social networking sites, and they are all captioned w/ different dates. Like a variance of 6 yrs. (Does it matter? idk...)
NOTE: Online pictures are universally disingenuous, in that we all put our 'best shot' up...((we don't post the ones with our face contorted or where one eye is shut or where things appear to be bulging out of our clothes.)) But to put an old photo and caption it as recent.... seems dishonest to me. Maybe I'm being too harsh.
So, readers, help me out? What the heck could be the issue here? Make me laugh, make me cry, whatever...but any ideas?
My plan:
After I read/assimilate all of your valuable input, I'm going to pick myself up, note any lessons learned, maybe get a pedicure, and soldier on with this experiment!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Dating Kiki 2.0 - Episode 6 - Gregory (so far) and Felix (cont'd)
Online Gregory:
Sure, it's all kinda intimidating.
And b/c I strive for realness AND have that contrarian problem, I strongly resist trying to represent myself as cultured/refined/educated. So much that I may overdo "being me"....sprinkle LOLs and immature jokes throughout the emails.
Strangely, he still suggests a phone call.
Phone Gregory:
He throws out the word 'Luddite' in his very first sentence to me (self-describes).
Ha! BUT I KNOW THAT WORD, SIR.
So I feel pretty cool when I nonchalantly counter w/ stating my opposite view ( love/dependence on technology).
(((And nevermind that I read more than I hear these kind of .50 cent words, so often I can't pronounce them. And b/c I'm more inclined to infer meanings than I am to actually consult dictionary.com, I probably often misuse these words. But he doesn't know any of that.)))
A long conversation, jumping right in to real topics: Catholicism, the problem of Hell, some family history, a little of his dating history. I feel he is way out of my league, but as I said to my daughter and her bf, "But I guess I'll just let him figure that out for himself." Her bf told me that is progress for me!
So we'll see --I ended the conv. by saying we could work something out on the site's email...which made him LOL???...(I asked what was funny, and he said, "We can just phone each other." ??) So maybe this is the probem w/ Luddites, b/c I was thinking, "But if we email/text, then we can be doing 5 other things at the same time!"
So we will see.
Felix, the current front-runner:
So he never responded to my long, honest message.
Instead, he just sent messages like nothing ever happened.
Brief, light messages. Like, "How was your day?" messages.
He asked to make a plan for the weekend.
I said yes.
I am puzzled and excited at the same time.
Numbers:
3:1 Odds that it will actually happen
- A decade or so older than I am
- Former pastor, now a professor
- Very cultured, very educated, very refined.
- (At this point, you are asking, "WHY DID HE MESSAGE KIKI? And I'd have wondered the same thing, except that he was clear: simply b/c we both like CS Lewis's non-fiction.)
Sure, it's all kinda intimidating.
And b/c I strive for realness AND have that contrarian problem, I strongly resist trying to represent myself as cultured/refined/educated. So much that I may overdo "being me"....sprinkle LOLs and immature jokes throughout the emails.
Strangely, he still suggests a phone call.
Phone Gregory:
He throws out the word 'Luddite' in his very first sentence to me (self-describes).
Ha! BUT I KNOW THAT WORD, SIR.
So I feel pretty cool when I nonchalantly counter w/ stating my opposite view ( love/dependence on technology).
(((And nevermind that I read more than I hear these kind of .50 cent words, so often I can't pronounce them. And b/c I'm more inclined to infer meanings than I am to actually consult dictionary.com, I probably often misuse these words. But he doesn't know any of that.)))
A long conversation, jumping right in to real topics: Catholicism, the problem of Hell, some family history, a little of his dating history. I feel he is way out of my league, but as I said to my daughter and her bf, "But I guess I'll just let him figure that out for himself." Her bf told me that is progress for me!
So we'll see --I ended the conv. by saying we could work something out on the site's email...which made him LOL???...(I asked what was funny, and he said, "We can just phone each other." ??) So maybe this is the probem w/ Luddites, b/c I was thinking, "But if we email/text, then we can be doing 5 other things at the same time!"
So we will see.
Felix, the current front-runner:
So he never responded to my long, honest message.
Instead, he just sent messages like nothing ever happened.
Brief, light messages. Like, "How was your day?" messages.
He asked to make a plan for the weekend.
I said yes.
I am puzzled and excited at the same time.
Numbers:
3:1 Odds that it will actually happen
7:1 Odds that this will not be a love connection, but instead will result in me learning another valuable Online Dating Lesson ((Perennia already has a hunch, and told me as much. But she's not spelling out what the lesson is exactly. *sigh* She wants me to learn it for myself, grasshoppa)
3 Number of Times I have been wrong about the "frontrunner" so far haha
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
He Can Fly
Jeb Corliss.
Lucas showed him to me.
- Lived all over the place as a kid (TCK?)
- Felt different, struggled w/ depression as a young man
- Found purpose in taking risks/facing fears/DEFYING LAWS OF NATURE
Monday, June 4, 2012
Dating Kiki 2.0 - Updates (Bert, Elmer) and a Preview (Felix)
First, let's review:
Bert - Stood me up kinda, work emergency.
Elmer - The Most Interesting Man in the World, YOLO guy
Felix - On deck. I have a strange, strong pull toward him. I may have already blown it.
Updates
Bert: Communicating via the site. Very loose plans to connect ...never materialized. And today he "closed" me! (On this site, it means you won't be able to communicate anymore nor see past communication) I LOL-ed.
Elmer: We're going to walk again! I don't know if there's any potential for a romance, but he's an interesting person, and I'm happy to spend more time with him.
Preview
NOTE: This is me, being really honest about mistakes. Like I said, I'm going to share the good, the bad, and the ugly. This would be classified under "the ugly", not like, hideously ugly, but...well, you can read and decide how ugly it is for yourself.
Felix: We have only talked online. SO MUCH RESONANCE. Keeping my feelings in check, b/c of the Online Persona Axiom. (irl > online). But I love chatting (typing/writing) with him. He's fun, and not boring.
We were supposed to meet this weekend, and it got confusing and didn't work out. In my head, he 'stood me up'. I said "no" to 2 fun offers to clear out the day for Felix, and so when we couldn't connect, I was irritated. We kept missing each other online (neither of us like giving our # out, so we'd agreed to use the site for communication)
In my irritation, I may have mis-interpreted some things.
OK, I admit it. I went back and read the chat, and I definitely filled in my own blanks in the conversation in a bad way. So my daughter, who is brilliant in the traditional IQ/SAT way and also in the Emotional Intelligence way, listened to the abbreviated account over Dunkin Donuts coffee, which helped me sort it out. At her suggestion, I sent a message that (hopefully) explained my perspective a little better.
(And who knows if/how he'll respond. And so this may be a preview to absolutely nothing!)
Friday, June 1, 2012
Dating Kiki 2.0: Episode 5 - Elmer in Real Life
As previously mentioned, Elmer is:
I suspect he's gonna find me to be a monumental bore. I have never, nor do I ever want to:
So I'm honest w/ him about lifestyle difference; he still wants to meet. I walk everyday on my lunch hour, I suggest he joins me.
My kid refers to him as "The Most Interesting Man in the World", sends encouraging texts to me the day we're meeting.
It actually works out. We meet at lunchtime, walk around the city I work in, talking the whole time. Conversation is easy.
He's really super cool. I believe the things he tells me about his job/travel. Maybe I'm naive, but it all feels genuine.
We end up talking about relationship stuff, which surprises me...because I really did just want to hear more about his adventures. I can't imagine how he'll connect with me & what my life's about right now. (Not YOLO, but more like EIDHCFKMRT [everything I do has consequences for kids, must remember that] haha) but I give it a whirl, and explain how a person who craves the creative process ended up in a cubicle surrounded by grayish blue walls.
Turns out he has a family member in this situation -- he can extrapolate a little there.
I am thinking we're incompatible, but he's very nice and asks if we can do things before he leaves for his next exotic destination. I am really surprised, and explain why. He says the nicest thing: He'll walk with me every day until he leaves, if that's all I want to do.
(Which totally makes me want to walk with him every day until he leaves. haha)
We end the walk a little late.
My kids, after hearing about the date, are like, "LET HIM TAKE YOU PLACES. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" haha
((But he's younger than I think is good, we don't line up on more serious things than lifestyle, and they don't understand that it really is a problem if I never want to club in Dubai...))
So I'm filing Elmer under: "Fascinating People I Got to Meet as a Result of the Kiki 2.0 Dating Experiment".
On deck: Felix - Military, similar interests, no talk of meeting irl yet, but he's showing enough promise to get a blog entry =)
.
- well-traveled - job and pleasure
- young-ish, hip, adventurous
- living in close proximity to my work
I suspect he's gonna find me to be a monumental bore. I have never, nor do I ever want to:
- bungee jump, sky dive, or anything that could end with my body as a splat
- hang out in s american jungles
- go clubbing in Dubai
- some stores in my town finally went 24 hrs (family of night owls)
- sometimes we get a package from UPS
- sometimes my pug does something really hilarious
So I'm honest w/ him about lifestyle difference; he still wants to meet. I walk everyday on my lunch hour, I suggest he joins me.
My kid refers to him as "The Most Interesting Man in the World", sends encouraging texts to me the day we're meeting.
It actually works out. We meet at lunchtime, walk around the city I work in, talking the whole time. Conversation is easy.
He's really super cool. I believe the things he tells me about his job/travel. Maybe I'm naive, but it all feels genuine.
We end up talking about relationship stuff, which surprises me...because I really did just want to hear more about his adventures. I can't imagine how he'll connect with me & what my life's about right now. (Not YOLO, but more like EIDHCFKMRT [everything I do has consequences for kids, must remember that] haha) but I give it a whirl, and explain how a person who craves the creative process ended up in a cubicle surrounded by grayish blue walls.
Turns out he has a family member in this situation -- he can extrapolate a little there.
I am thinking we're incompatible, but he's very nice and asks if we can do things before he leaves for his next exotic destination. I am really surprised, and explain why. He says the nicest thing: He'll walk with me every day until he leaves, if that's all I want to do.
(Which totally makes me want to walk with him every day until he leaves. haha)
We end the walk a little late.
My kids, after hearing about the date, are like, "LET HIM TAKE YOU PLACES. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" haha
((But he's younger than I think is good, we don't line up on more serious things than lifestyle, and they don't understand that it really is a problem if I never want to club in Dubai...))
So I'm filing Elmer under: "Fascinating People I Got to Meet as a Result of the Kiki 2.0 Dating Experiment".
On deck: Felix - Military, similar interests, no talk of meeting irl yet, but he's showing enough promise to get a blog entry =)
.
Monday, May 28, 2012
DK 2.0 - Episode 4 - Dag and Elmer
The Means
OK, besides using the online dating service that boasts 29 points of compatibility and does the pre-selecting for you, I also signed up for a free one that some coworkers suggested.
This one is a free-for-all: You can search anyone, choose anyone. You can rate them with stars, favorite them, messge them, chat them. There are quizzes and questions and polls and keyword searches. The data is crunched, and for anyone you select, the site gives you a percentage of "Friend" and "Enemy" the two of you are.. I'm finding the site to be overwhelming, but part of it is just the busy interface. Which I'll get used to. Part of it is the crazy messages you receive. Which I'll get used to, and probably shouldn't.
On this site, I've been messaged by married men (uh, no thx ), boys who are in their 20s (uh...i want to lecture you on staying in college and not texting while driving), and finally lately: viable prospects.
Dag
He messages me, seems intelligent. I almost joked around with him and asked him if he gets a lot more dates in the last few years b/c he kinda has an Obama look to him. (I'm glad I didn't, I don't think he would have liked that.)
We decide, completely spontaneously, to meet for coffee. I know this is not the safest thing: there's been no exchange of information, no googling, no checking public records sites.
We meet and have really good discussion for a couple of hours. I won't go into details, but he has some really unique perspectives. I actually encourage him to blog, write, something.
I am starting to wonder about online dating in general. I would have never met this person unless I had put my profile on the site. In our real lives, our paths would have never crossed.
I am disrupting the flow of the universe right now. I'm like the character in those movies who time travels and really screws everything up doing something really normal...like eating a cupcake...but the cupcake was supposed to have been eaten by a different person, cuz he was gonna choke on it, and the person who gives him the heimlich maneuver ends up being his future wife. And so b/c I eat the cupcake, all their kids in their family photo from the present year are fading away, b/c they'll never exist. Because I had to eat the dang cupcake. And turns out I don't even want more of those cupcakes.
It's time to go to our car, which he wants to walk me to. I briefly picture a scene from a movie where a gun is pulled out and shoved into my side and he's like,"Get in the car. Scream and you're dead."
So I play with my phone and let him know that I'm texting my kid...(so you can just leave that gun in your pocket, OK? HA! Foiled!")
I drive away. I do not know what's next. Writing this entry is helping me even think about it all.
Elmer
Elmer and I are planning to meet next week. Very, very interesting person: again, someone with completely different perspectives than I have. His accomplishment is intimidating to me.
And here I go, eating another cupcake, playing fast and loose with fate .... never knowing who I'm actually supposed to meet and interact with.
THIS POST IS A DOWNER, I KNOW. Don't worry, Readers. I plan to have another ridiculous date very soon where I get to Kiki-First-Base (brushing shoulders) and have ZERO deep thoughts during the date and just say REALLY AWKWARD things to him that make him have that CUTE PUZZLED look on his face. SO don't stop reading, deal???
OK, besides using the online dating service that boasts 29 points of compatibility and does the pre-selecting for you, I also signed up for a free one that some coworkers suggested.
This one is a free-for-all: You can search anyone, choose anyone. You can rate them with stars, favorite them, messge them, chat them. There are quizzes and questions and polls and keyword searches. The data is crunched, and for anyone you select, the site gives you a percentage of "Friend" and "Enemy" the two of you are.. I'm finding the site to be overwhelming, but part of it is just the busy interface. Which I'll get used to. Part of it is the crazy messages you receive. Which I'll get used to, and probably shouldn't.
On this site, I've been messaged by married men (uh, no thx ), boys who are in their 20s (uh...i want to lecture you on staying in college and not texting while driving), and finally lately: viable prospects.
Dag
He messages me, seems intelligent. I almost joked around with him and asked him if he gets a lot more dates in the last few years b/c he kinda has an Obama look to him. (I'm glad I didn't, I don't think he would have liked that.)
We decide, completely spontaneously, to meet for coffee. I know this is not the safest thing: there's been no exchange of information, no googling, no checking public records sites.
We meet and have really good discussion for a couple of hours. I won't go into details, but he has some really unique perspectives. I actually encourage him to blog, write, something.
I am starting to wonder about online dating in general. I would have never met this person unless I had put my profile on the site. In our real lives, our paths would have never crossed.
I am disrupting the flow of the universe right now. I'm like the character in those movies who time travels and really screws everything up doing something really normal...like eating a cupcake...but the cupcake was supposed to have been eaten by a different person, cuz he was gonna choke on it, and the person who gives him the heimlich maneuver ends up being his future wife. And so b/c I eat the cupcake, all their kids in their family photo from the present year are fading away, b/c they'll never exist. Because I had to eat the dang cupcake. And turns out I don't even want more of those cupcakes.
It's time to go to our car, which he wants to walk me to. I briefly picture a scene from a movie where a gun is pulled out and shoved into my side and he's like,"Get in the car. Scream and you're dead."
So I play with my phone and let him know that I'm texting my kid...(so you can just leave that gun in your pocket, OK? HA! Foiled!")
I drive away. I do not know what's next. Writing this entry is helping me even think about it all.
Elmer
Elmer and I are planning to meet next week. Very, very interesting person: again, someone with completely different perspectives than I have. His accomplishment is intimidating to me.
And here I go, eating another cupcake, playing fast and loose with fate .... never knowing who I'm actually supposed to meet and interact with.
THIS POST IS A DOWNER, I KNOW. Don't worry, Readers. I plan to have another ridiculous date very soon where I get to Kiki-First-Base (brushing shoulders) and have ZERO deep thoughts during the date and just say REALLY AWKWARD things to him that make him have that CUTE PUZZLED look on his face. SO don't stop reading, deal???
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Soulmates
Always a fun discussion:
[Assuming we're not meant to be single]
a. Is there a person out there in the world meant for each of us?
ONE, SINGLE, person? So our quest is to find them? Or recognize them when they find us?
OR
b. Is nothing really pre-ordained, or 'meant to be'? We are frighteningly free to choose anyone who'll have us, and live it out.
OR
c. Is there a pool of 'potential destinies', and depending on timing/choices/circumstances, any of them would be 'best'?
Each is kinda terrible:
a. If I have one soulmate, I blew it. Because I married Mike, right? And if my SM *was* Mike, then it's still messed up forever b/c we split and he married another person, thus messing up her shot for The One. It's a miserable domino effect scenario.
b. I take 5 hours to pick a paint color that I might have to live with for a month. It's taken me 2 years to decide to dye my hair. And that hasn't even happened yet. This kind of thing is why I used a Magic Eight Ball to make major life decisions until my early twenties.
c. This middle road is the one I can live with. I just want a little guidance, OK? Just some assurance.
Guidance so that I can dodge bullets and navigate through minefields.
Assurance that, at the end of all the bullet-dodging and minefield-navigating, there will be something of worth.
[btw, it's a gigantic assumption to assume you're not meant to be single when you're my age, etc. but this was for discussion's sake. We'll give Singleness and all it's merits/struggles its own post sometime]
[Assuming we're not meant to be single]
a. Is there a person out there in the world meant for each of us?
ONE, SINGLE, person? So our quest is to find them? Or recognize them when they find us?
OR
b. Is nothing really pre-ordained, or 'meant to be'? We are frighteningly free to choose anyone who'll have us, and live it out.
OR
c. Is there a pool of 'potential destinies', and depending on timing/choices/circumstances, any of them would be 'best'?
Each is kinda terrible:
a. If I have one soulmate, I blew it. Because I married Mike, right? And if my SM *was* Mike, then it's still messed up forever b/c we split and he married another person, thus messing up her shot for The One. It's a miserable domino effect scenario.
b. I take 5 hours to pick a paint color that I might have to live with for a month. It's taken me 2 years to decide to dye my hair. And that hasn't even happened yet. This kind of thing is why I used a Magic Eight Ball to make major life decisions until my early twenties.
c. This middle road is the one I can live with. I just want a little guidance, OK? Just some assurance.
Guidance so that I can dodge bullets and navigate through minefields.
Assurance that, at the end of all the bullet-dodging and minefield-navigating, there will be something of worth.
[btw, it's a gigantic assumption to assume you're not meant to be single when you're my age, etc. but this was for discussion's sake. We'll give Singleness and all it's merits/struggles its own post sometime]
Sunday, May 20, 2012
DK 2.0 - Episode 3 - Clarence
This episode could be called "29 Points of Compatibility? Please."
Pre-Date:
I initiated this one by sending Clarence this charming thing [the online dating service I chose] calls an "Icebreaker". Kinda like the old Facebook "poke", it's just a pretty meaningless gesture that says, "It's too much work to compose an original thought, I'll just pick this phrase from this dropdown menu."
We skipped all the canned questions (e.g "How much personal space do you need in a relationship?") and the Must Haves/Can't Stands (laundry list of traits you check off, all are kind of obvious), and long questions.... and so we tried to gather the necessary information through the site's email.
While I feel I am very open and clear in communication, others seem to think I'm guarded and evasive. *shrug*. So, because in person > online, we discuss meeting irl.
Took Perennia's advice: coffee date.
But HE DOESN"T DRINK COFFEE. (28 points of compatibility?)
Tea date?
Tea date.
He also likes to 'plan in advance'. (Plans panic me. 27 pts of comp.), so we actually have to make this plan for DAYS IN ADVANCE. I flex, go me.
The Date
He drives the longer distance to meet, which is very nice of him. I arrive first, it's a poetry reading. Which is cool, except the guy is doing that Taylor Mali piece about teaching, and for some reason it makes me sad.
Then Clarence arrives, and it's one of those things where someone is even more appealing in person than online (instead of the other way around).
We get our TEA, and sit. Talking is pretty easy, he seems really experienced with dating generally.
We notice how different we are, and think it's funny, and so everytime there is a blaring incongruous thing, I count down another Point of Compatibility. Which he pretends to think is funny.
We're down to about 18 or so when we decide to walk around.
PERENNIA: You're going to call me out on this. I DIDN"T END IT AFTER AN HOUR. He was cute!! And we were so adorably incompatible!! haha
We honestly just walk around and basically, well, loiter.
We talk about a lot of things, I suspect (as I do with a lot of people) that he's not over his last relationship. He says something insightful that I will have to think about: My long history of not-dating is unusual for people our age. Everyone I meet will likely have a recent (by my def, in the last 15 years haha) relationship...Acknowledging that doesn't mean that they're not over it
We're down to about 5 points of compatibility. I decide the claims of this online dating service are complete BS.
At one point, we walk to a gas station to get snacks because I was so hungry. It felt oddly like high school, or something...eating string cheese on the brick stairs at 2 AM...
It is completely, ridiculously late, we walk back to where we were parked.
Hugs, a cheek-kiss. (Not me, I wish I were classy like that. I seriously want to be one of those awesome women who kiss everyone on the cheek, when they first meet and when they leave and all time time. But I'm not. At least not yet.)
My takeaways:
1. Physical attraction muddies the waters: We could have had zero points of compatibility and I still would have sat with him on the library stairs and eaten mozarella.
In fact, we probably DO have zero POCs and if he asked for a second date, I'd probably say "OK!"
((I probably should make it a point to only date people who aren't appealing to me. No I shouldn't. Yes I should. READERS, HELP.))
2. It's a lot harder to write about dates that aren't terrible.
Pre-Date:
I initiated this one by sending Clarence this charming thing [the online dating service I chose] calls an "Icebreaker". Kinda like the old Facebook "poke", it's just a pretty meaningless gesture that says, "It's too much work to compose an original thought, I'll just pick this phrase from this dropdown menu."
We skipped all the canned questions (e.g "How much personal space do you need in a relationship?") and the Must Haves/Can't Stands (laundry list of traits you check off, all are kind of obvious), and long questions.... and so we tried to gather the necessary information through the site's email.
While I feel I am very open and clear in communication, others seem to think I'm guarded and evasive. *shrug*. So, because in person > online, we discuss meeting irl.
Took Perennia's advice: coffee date.
But HE DOESN"T DRINK COFFEE. (28 points of compatibility?)
Tea date?
Tea date.
He also likes to 'plan in advance'. (Plans panic me. 27 pts of comp.), so we actually have to make this plan for DAYS IN ADVANCE. I flex, go me.
The Date
He drives the longer distance to meet, which is very nice of him. I arrive first, it's a poetry reading. Which is cool, except the guy is doing that Taylor Mali piece about teaching, and for some reason it makes me sad.
Then Clarence arrives, and it's one of those things where someone is even more appealing in person than online (instead of the other way around).
We get our TEA, and sit. Talking is pretty easy, he seems really experienced with dating generally.
We notice how different we are, and think it's funny, and so everytime there is a blaring incongruous thing, I count down another Point of Compatibility. Which he pretends to think is funny.
We're down to about 18 or so when we decide to walk around.
PERENNIA: You're going to call me out on this. I DIDN"T END IT AFTER AN HOUR. He was cute!! And we were so adorably incompatible!! haha
We honestly just walk around and basically, well, loiter.
We talk about a lot of things, I suspect (as I do with a lot of people) that he's not over his last relationship. He says something insightful that I will have to think about: My long history of not-dating is unusual for people our age. Everyone I meet will likely have a recent (by my def, in the last 15 years haha) relationship...Acknowledging that doesn't mean that they're not over it
We're down to about 5 points of compatibility. I decide the claims of this online dating service are complete BS.
At one point, we walk to a gas station to get snacks because I was so hungry. It felt oddly like high school, or something...eating string cheese on the brick stairs at 2 AM...
It is completely, ridiculously late, we walk back to where we were parked.
Hugs, a cheek-kiss. (Not me, I wish I were classy like that. I seriously want to be one of those awesome women who kiss everyone on the cheek, when they first meet and when they leave and all time time. But I'm not. At least not yet.)
My takeaways:
1. Physical attraction muddies the waters: We could have had zero points of compatibility and I still would have sat with him on the library stairs and eaten mozarella.
In fact, we probably DO have zero POCs and if he asked for a second date, I'd probably say "OK!"
((I probably should make it a point to only date people who aren't appealing to me. No I shouldn't. Yes I should. READERS, HELP.))
2. It's a lot harder to write about dates that aren't terrible.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Dating Kiki 2.0 Episode 2 - Bert
"Bert" is currently the front runner, based on vague, Malcolm-Gladwell-Blink-ey impressions that I get from the emails.
I'm holding onto these impressions very loosely, though, because of Online Persona thing (even people trying to represent themselves accurately seem very different in real life).
I happened to be going to a suburb near where Bert resides, so I was going to tack on meeting him.
Plans to have a 'cup of coffee'. My virtual friends who read this blog are giving me fantastic advice, and a coffee date was a tip from a virtual bff Perennia (HI PERENNIA).
Her rationale: If it's a good date, you both leave wanting a 2nd one. And if it's horrible, you're only out 5 bucks and a half hour of your precious life. That's solid advice.
So the plans happen on email. He is working, but tells me his schedule. I do the awkward first *67 call.
No answer. Leave a message. Hours. No reply. I briefly wonder if it's my voice. (2 people have said that I sound different than they expected. They're always quick to say that it's not bad, which tells me that it is, in fact, bad.) I shrug, and enjoy the heck out of the rest of the day and the real reason I was there.
He finally sends a message. Emergency at work, he's still there, sorry blah blah blah.
I laugh (smirk) at this flimsy excuse, but a friend reminds me of something I said earlier during the drive (in a completely unrelated conversation, this guy is hella smart, a student at a topnotch university, and he was teaching me about Immanual Kant).
I had said that I want to be one of those people who assumes the best possible motivations in others. Sees people in the best possible light. It'd be good for me, for them, good karma-wise, etc. And even somehow do this without lying to myself all the time.
So he challenged me -- look! Right away, a perfect opportunity to practice this new attitude!
So I did! I pretended that Bert really was working late! I pretended that he was sorry, and I pretended that I didn't get blown off.
Bert sent more messages when he "got home from work", and now I have to decide if I should pretend they're worth answering.
Thoughts, readers??
I'm holding onto these impressions very loosely, though, because of Online Persona thing (even people trying to represent themselves accurately seem very different in real life).
I happened to be going to a suburb near where Bert resides, so I was going to tack on meeting him.
Plans to have a 'cup of coffee'. My virtual friends who read this blog are giving me fantastic advice, and a coffee date was a tip from a virtual bff Perennia (HI PERENNIA).
Her rationale: If it's a good date, you both leave wanting a 2nd one. And if it's horrible, you're only out 5 bucks and a half hour of your precious life. That's solid advice.
So the plans happen on email. He is working, but tells me his schedule. I do the awkward first *67 call.
No answer. Leave a message. Hours. No reply. I briefly wonder if it's my voice. (2 people have said that I sound different than they expected. They're always quick to say that it's not bad, which tells me that it is, in fact, bad.) I shrug, and enjoy the heck out of the rest of the day and the real reason I was there.
He finally sends a message. Emergency at work, he's still there, sorry blah blah blah.
I laugh (smirk) at this flimsy excuse, but a friend reminds me of something I said earlier during the drive (in a completely unrelated conversation, this guy is hella smart, a student at a topnotch university, and he was teaching me about Immanual Kant).
I had said that I want to be one of those people who assumes the best possible motivations in others. Sees people in the best possible light. It'd be good for me, for them, good karma-wise, etc. And even somehow do this without lying to myself all the time.
So he challenged me -- look! Right away, a perfect opportunity to practice this new attitude!
So I did! I pretended that Bert really was working late! I pretended that he was sorry, and I pretended that I didn't get blown off.
Bert sent more messages when he "got home from work", and now I have to decide if I should pretend they're worth answering.
Thoughts, readers??
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