Moonrise Kingdom

Five times, with five different people/sets of people.
Nothing but goodness...no diminishing returns with the repetition.
Each time I saw new things, and the new things just reinforced my (already strong) feelings.

How can I begin?


Visual goodness


Like all the really great movies, any framed still could grace any wall in your home and make it a more beautiful place.


The color palettes are perfect: More and more I noticed the colors. Primaries, but all complementary. Some patterns thrown in. I could mute the sound and this movie would still excite me.


The details make my heart ache:  The bird design on the tent, the pictures on the wall, the costumes for the play, the book covers, her outfit, his outfit, the way Social Services sits, the wallpaper, really everything in each room in Summer's End, Suzy's handwriting, the dog that looks like the dog from my first reader (Tip!), the list for the decoy papier mache Suzy. I know from Kevin and some of the credits that Wes Anderson designs/commissions all of these details himself. Knowing that it's intentional makes me pay even closer attention, and makes me love it all even more.


Everything is visually congruous:
I don't know how to write this. I am purposely not reading ANYTHING because I wanted all of these ideas to be what I truly felt just from watching and then talking with my friends.
Christine called it 'complete-ness' (see Idea Goodness, later) and it's the same visually: everything matches, everything goes.
One example:  The sunkissed and hazy quality of the film when they're jumping [maybe the lens is vaselined? Not sure} Well, it matches the french song they later dance to, it matches the day itself. I feel like I'm drying off in the sun when I watch it.
Another example: Each character kind of has their own aesthetic - how they dress, the exterior shot that lets you know we're at their house...think Captain Sharp.
Obviously I need to write about this more and edit this, I know this is all very dim...But I can just see that everything is visually congruent in this way.










Word- Goodness

The dialogue is perfect: Precious without being cloying.
Startlingly funny.And believable. The precociousness never goes into that Juno-territory where you don't believe they'd really talk like that.


Mean Kid: Well if we find him, I'm not going to be the one who forgot to bring a weapon.


Suzy -I've always wanted to be an orphan...they have the most interesting lives.
Sam - I love you, but you don't know what you're talking about.


Suzy: Was he a good dog?
Sam: Who's to say?


We could arguably continue, citing the entire script, in snippets alternating italics and bold. That's what I mean by perfect.



Theme Goodness 

The theme is perfect, too. There is the way that the purity of the kids is a perfect contrast to the effed-upness of the adults. Sue told me later how, in a way, the kids' situation redeems the adults...again - in a small way.


There is thematic 'completeness' /congruity, too. Even elements: Dan pointed out that Benjamin Britton, who wrote a Young Person's Guide to the Orchestra (the soundtrack) is also who wrote the Noah's Flood play in which Sam sees Suzy for the first time. We know there is a purging flood at the end, too...I know there is more congruity, too. Naturally, I need to watch it a least 100 more times.


The theme that resonates with me is the "outsider" theme. If you know me at all, you know I'm drawn to the margin. The disenfranchised, the lost, the outsider -- these are the people I feel the most at home with.


Also, as I said, I have purposely avoided reading others' opinions about MK. Kevin said that people criticized Wes Anderson for being too idealistic in his solutions for people who are 'outsiders' -- saying that things never work out this way in real life.


I guess I feel like he does such a fantastic job at defining the problem, that I don't care if the solution is feasible. It's like watching Inglorious Basterds -- things didn't really turn out that way, but it would have been wonderful. (And the truth is, art does change things. So there is some truth in it.)






Sam: Why do you consider me your enemy?
Mean Kid: Because your girlfriend stabbed me in the back with lefty scissors!
Sam: She's my wife now.
Mean Kid: Congratulations.
Sam:I'm talking about before. Six weeks ago. Why didn't you like me then?
Mean Kid: Why should I? No one else does.


That explains the problem perfectly, but it's my blog, so I'll expound:
The whole "Outsider" thing actually starts when someone is free, for whatever reason.
Simultaneously, weak or unoriginal people herd together usually under the leadership of the smallest-minded, most unoriginal one.
The free ones, the ones who don't feel the need to join the herd are threatening to the leader, and thus the battle-dynamic is created. The small minded creates it, the free one is bewildered at first but then has to negotiate it.


So yeah, he does a fantastic job at defining the problem. And I think would be wonderful to stab all such ringleaders in the back with lefty scissors and thus free up some of the herd. (And truth is, challenging the evil norm does change things. So there is some truth in it.)






FINALLY,
the last part.
And which Sue is going to let me write about on her blog!!


Maybe because of AAG2012, maybe because I'm an NF temperament, maybe for other reasons, the aspect of the movie that made my heart clutch up in my chest and leaves me speechless a little, is what I will call:


Sam and Suzy and their Resounding Yes to Each Other

Sam:  This is our land!
Suzy:  YES IT IS!






I've been thinking about what I want. Online dating forces you to do this, with all their forms and MustHaves/CantStands and what have you.
One online suitor was even helping me figure it out.


I resist making the list. I saw a post recently on FB from a very nice young lady, saying how she wanted a man with 'the wisdom of Solomon, the courage of David, the kindness of Boaz, the _________ of _________" and how she wasn't going to settle for less. I recoiled inside, and thought, "The man that does end up with her has my sympathies."


I also know that I don't know what's good for me, not really. I've picked men because of their curly hair alone. I'm not even kidding. I trust my N (intuition) more than I trust my logic.


So even as I was watching this movie the first time, it was dawning on me...by the end, I knew:


This is what I want. Exactly.


They are so affirming to each other. Think of the letter exchange: She encourages him to keep remembering what his parents look like. He encourages her to get along with her family.


Think of their first meeting:  She conforms to his plan, he considers her in every step, they are so *courteous* to each other.


He shares something he's ashamed of:
Sam -I might pee the bed later...I didn't want to offend you.
and she affirms him
Suzy- Of course I wouldn't be...
And I bet he won't pee the bed much anymore.


She shares something that hurts her:
Sam: Is that book about you?
Suzy: I think so.


He doesn't understand, and laughs, and hurts her. She's mad, and right away, he apologizes. Better than apologizes.
Sam - I'm on your side.


There is a lot more to say on this, but I'm saving it for Sue!
I'll just close with that idea, though.
They are so *for* each other, and it's completely mutual. When they're journeying, their marriage, when they're about to jump at the end. 


That's what I mean by the "YES", and yes, I want that.

Midlife Crisis - Controlled Version - An Introduction

While talking with a friend about midlife crises generally, we recounted the array of symptoms we've witnessed in women-in-ml-crisis in our circles, from the mild-superficial (new hair!) to the extreme-superficial (new...uh, bra size!), from the mild-deep (new job!) to the extreme-deep (new husband!).


Please, don't read judgment here. I think midlife crises are about more than just lamenting lost youth. 
They're actually pretty profound. 
A sudden realization that time is short, facing the fact that more years has been spent than are left, a shocking awareness that if you don't do something now...it will likely be left undone, forever. 


In fact, so much not-judgment here that I was thinking, "I want to have one!!" I just don't want to do anything   too mad/crazy/irrevocable.

And the idea emerged:  Midlife Crisis - Controlled Version.
And so far it's been GREAT, here are some of the 'big' aspects of MLC-CV:


Feb 2011: BRACES.
Watch videos I made about my experience.
 It's probably the most boring VLOG in the world.
But funny, these videos get 100s of views, comments, private messages. Adult braces are on the rise.

Fall 2011:  FITNESS. 
I've written about this before. Two of my friends helped me get started with this. Sorta Couch-to-5k...you walk/jog/walk/jog, increasing the jog times. My first 5k with them took me 45 minutes.
Between their help and dropping wt (which I may or may not discuss on this blog, haven't decided yet!), it's unbelievalbe to say this, but I can actually jog (on treadmill) 3 mi. under 10 min pace. Who knows where all this will lead. I used to say I'd never be able to really run again. I'm not saying that anymore.


Late 2011/Early 2012  ACQUIRING A GENTLEMAN.
This quest is well documented on this blog =) 


Spring 2012 HAIRRRRRR.
Contrast-ey Highlights, like Rogue (X-Men).
I will make a separate post about this, and put pictures. Because the post will be about the stylist, who is adorable and special.


And MLC-CV is nowhere near completion. In fact, I feel like it's just begun.
My Reader Friends:  Feel free to share any great midlife crisis tips, ideas, cautions, anything really. I love your input.

Dating Kiki 2.0 Episode 12: Reprieve? Reboot?

Lately, I've been reading about All Things MBTI  -- it's an interest that I revisit from time to time, when I want to focus on interpersonal relationships for whatever reason.

So Dating Kiki 2.0 was bound to make me break out my "Please Understand Me" book (well-loved, pages falling out, stolen from my first church library). Now there are 983292 forums online to read through, too, which I've wasted  enjoyed hours doing.

And let's be real, specifically, it was JASPER who inspired me...

[Our types connect on our dominant function, I'm Ne and he is Ni, (iNtuitive Extraversion, iNtuitive Introversion). Basically, non-stop N-ing the entire time we're together. It's relatively rare, we can speak almost in code. Which is awesome]

Jasper and I had several dates, and each one had something really, really sweet that made me crave another date:

Date 1: Art Show
We walked around a local art show. His communication style -- jumping from topic to topic, from deep to whimsical -- my ADD was just singing, do you know what I mean?
One little story: You all know by now that I have the problem w/ awkwardness. Well, the super awkward thing that kept happening on the first date was that my shirt kept popping open. I'd look down and my whole bra was hanging out. (NOTE: My cleavage is ridiculously unimpressive, but this is still embarrassing. Bra was purple at least.)
He pretended not to notice.
It happened 4 MORE TIMES.
Finally, I just confronted it, "Hey, this is kinda awful, and you're being really nice to pretend not to notice, but my shirt...?"
And he was so nice, he right away said, "Yeah! I've been thinking about how to help, I found this paperclip back there!"
And he offered the paperclip and an idea to tie it around the button, which turns out I couldn't do and he ended up doing,  averting his eyes and fixing the problem and saving my dignity all at the same time.

And this interaction seems small, but it's representative of all our interactions, and it flipped a switch in me. That. Fast.

Date 2: The walk-around-a-cool-city date

Date3: THE MOTORCYCLE RIDE DATE
Detail: We went 98 twice! He didn't know how I'd feel about 3-digit speed.  haha
Note: Riding motorcycles is now at the top of my wishlist for the Gentleman I shall Acquire in 2012.

Date 4: The dinner and movie date.

Date 5: The hang-out-at-a-house-and-do-normal things-date

And there may be no Date 6,7, etc. Or there may be. I don't know. I can't even put odds right now.

It's because there are some  differences, and I can't tell if they're significant, or just the kind that I refer to as Charlotte's Web kind.
((There is a part in the book Charlotte's Web, where Wilbur learns that Charlotte traps insects and then sucks their blood. He really struggles with this bloodthirsty quality in his new friend, and I love the idea that E.B. White seems to put out there: how it's hard when we learn things about our new friends, but then we'll get used to the idea and understand that it's not really a problem. It's so so true!))

So now I don't know if I should just keep going, go on coffee dates with other people.

And the worst:  Jasper thinks it would be fine, which tells me everything I need to know. ((Our issue is that he perceives me as having a lot of energy, and he just can't do that pace. This confuses me b/c I see myself as having much lower energy than I did in my 20s and 30s. So I see myself as pretty tame and boring now. I will say that when I'm with JASPER, I am probably vibrating w/ invisible energy though. I don't know.))
I know he enjoys being with me. Myers-Briggs again, he is so majorly Intoverted and needs so much alone time, and yet he will talk on the phone with me for hours and hours. He doesn't like dates to extend 5 hrs (another quirk of his), so I playfully said my goal was to make him go over 5 hrs everytime we're together. Once, we tripled that.
So I know I'm exhausting him. And I can't stop.

And I guess the bottom line:  He is not as into me as I am into him. Because I would NEVER tell him to see others.

So, writing this out is helping me find my own answer.
Dating Kiki 2.0: I keep going.

Today I went on the site, and there were messages from lotsa people. A few were interesting. You all are going to KILL ME, but Felix actually wants to try again. There is Linus, from the other site. And some other guys who I don't even feel I can muster enough drive to answer their silly "If you were a fruit, what fruit would you be?" type canned questions. And who I'm not excited about at all.

Please know that I am not nearly as depressed as this sounds, I'm just maybe a 7 on a sad scale of 1-10.
And I get to see Moonrise Kingdom again, and the person I'm seeing it with is a gem, and she won't even know it, and she'll be healing to be around. So YAY GOD for this timing.

I await your feedback, and I already know it will be gentle, and true, and helpful.
Classy cheek kisses for all of you,
Kiki out.

Dating Kiki 2.0 - Episode 11 Kiki (Jr.)

Pre-work
We'd been enjoying online chats for a while.
Seemed to have some things in common.
Decided on a coffee date....we know the drill by now:  Cautious investment of time and money to feel the potential out.

Online, this one's magnificent: Witty, attractive, authentic (as much as can be online, ya know...)
Getting there:  Driving from work, but no air in my car. I'm sweaty and my hair is matted to my face. Clothes are wet. Walk in, scan the room...and:

The IRL person FAR EXCEEDED every impression, pretty much immediately!!!

And before this post gets unclear, I'll just spill the beans:

Carol and I met in real life!

And I'll be crystal clear: It wasn't romantic. It was just a hunch from talking online that we're kindred. And then a realization that we live close to each other.

And it turns out the massive amount of connections/ahas/yeses/coincidences make that hunch the understatement of the week.

We went to the same school (just years apart)
We knew the same people (just at diff. times in our lives)
We have had similar jobs (and she just happens to have met one of my bffs, who just happens to also read this blog)
We've done the same things (it's just we can't usu say what they are b/c most ppl think we're weird)
We have the same personality letters (just exactly)

At one point, I felt like saying, "Oh, did you come of my mom's uterus, too? ((She would have just nodded casually, b/c by that point every single thing we ever did was similar and it was almost not surprising anymore, and I'd have just nodded knowingly and said,)) Yeah, I figured..."

When it was time to go, we joked about our hug and the awkward back pat and how many hours we should wait to send the thank you text and how many days before the next call. And we dubbed her Kiki Jr.

And it was lovely, and I wish all of us could get have a Dating Kiki Wrap Up Party when i am finished with Dating Kiki 2.0. (Maybe Alaskan Cruise? Perennia?)

Preview
In Episode 12, we will explore the question:  When exactly am I supposed to be finished with Dating Kiki 2.0?

Dating Kiki 2.0 - Episode 10 Jasper

This post could be subtitled "ZOMG"

Jasper, online

riohw34ooi3up97u4i;o

• dsdsdsd
• sd23847cassdhjsdhjsdhjsjhsdhjsdhjsd
• sdsdsdlsjfsfjsrjwerjwsd
• sd

sdiwei;ower3049uersksdjsdjksdjksdjksdjkw34
eraeroiaeroyhgaeryh
dsddehp343049093430493049

Jasper, irl

SDJKDSJKSDSDJKSDJKSDN!!!!!!

• FRDERU34JDJFSDSD!!!!!!???!!!!
• 834SDIFLHSDSDIL!!!!!!!
• 938434SDJKFDJSD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UPDATE:  I wrote all that and I will be more clear.
I just don't know what to write.
We've had 3 dates so far.
This is how I feel about him:

What's a girl to do?
My 5-point plan:

1. Get my MLC-CV (Midlife Crisis -Controlled version) tattoo of the Jane's Addiction lyrics on one wrist.
2. Tattoo this on the other: Above. all .else. guard. the. heart.
3. Chill the frick out.
4. Clean my house and do productive things for once.
5. Anything you guys recommend, b/c you haven't steered me wrong yet.

Cheek kisses for everyone, and Kiki out.

Kimba

This is from my old blog (from the myspace days...http://www.myspace.com/joymonger/blog  I can't even remember my password to login now, and it was an adelphia.net address -- adelphia isn't around anymore )

Kimba was a Japanese cartoon that ran in the 70s. It came on after Speed Racer. Kimba was this adorable yet tough white lion. In my memory, he led all the other animals and was a master at conflict resolution.

I didn't just love Kimba..didn't just obsess over Kimba...I *was* Kimba.

I had patches on all the knees of my jeans from running around on all fours. I fought rogue animals, found alternative water sources during droughts, rescued loved ones when they dangled from cliffs. Every time I watched it, I acted out the intro with Kimba running to save someone or set something right...

I stayed in character when the ladies came over for morning coffee, growling under the table. My mom's seemingly offhand acceptance of my behavior was really just her way of daring them to say anything about it.

When I played with my Matchbox cars, they were all really animals in my mind. The white sports car was Kimba.

I think I was 5 or 6 when I quit being Kimba publicly.

DK 2.0 Episode 9- Holden, Izzy, and Jasper

Holden

-curly hair, kind eyes
-was the front runner
-yes, you read that past tense correctly
-we had decided that "Yes, meeting is good!"
-never heard from him again.

Because of my friends (present readership , I am talking about YOU here), these are the kinds of things I think now when I get this low-level, oblique rejection:

Oh Well. This kind of thing happens. It's probably for the best.  Move on. NEXT!

I'd like you all to take special note:   Not a single self-doubting, insecure thought in the mix. You might not know how big a deal this is for me.
I feel like taking all the money I was ever considering spending on a therapist and taking you all on a cruise as a way to say "Thank You."

Izzy
 The Izzy section could be subtitled, "Don't Judge Me"

- really devoted father
- in email correspondence, mentioned his kid every 2 sentences
- you know, that thing we parents do when we mention every smart/cute/funny thing our little offspring says/does and we think we're being charming conversationalists
- plans to meet for coffee

On the free dating website, you can take a billion tests and answer a billion questions, and they make a personality assessment for you, a graphic that tells if you are "More" or "Less" various traits than ppl of your age and gender. One of my traits is that I'm "More Geeky" than women my age, and that's the trait that Izzy and I seem to connect on.

BUT, at the last minute, something comes up and he has his kid that night, and we have to cancel/postpone. 

I have typed and erased a joke sentence about how he was prob relieved, b/c he got to spend the evening w/ his kid instead....But I can't make the joke work and not sound mean...and the truth is, it's good if a guy is into his children!!! And I AM PRETTY POSITIVE I did that thing w/ my kids, too....and still do ....

Ugly confession time:

Even though there has been no date, conversations w/ guys w/ little kids has made me think.
Maybe I'm not up for dating someone with little kids. Or maybe casual dating is fine....just not aserious/committed relationship where there's a chance I could someday be "Stepmom Kiki."

 I used to think the Baroness in the Sound of Music was HORRIBLE when Max was asking her about the fact that the Captain had 6 kids, and she's like:

Darling, haven't you ever heard of a delightful little thing called boarding school?

And while I still think Maria is the best person ever, and I aspire to be her, I have a lot more grace toward the Baroness now. I mean, look at her awesome hair.

 Jasper


OK, this is unprecedented: I'm gonna hold these cards close to my chest for now.

Promise I'll tell more very, very soon.

I just wanted all of you to know that there is a Jasper.

DK 2.0 - Episode 8 Gregory

The Date, meaning the guy:
Gregory is a professor, uses words like "Luddite" in everyday conversation.

The Date, meaning the actual event,  in 10:

1. We meet in a nearby city.     Coincidence: He is right behind me at the parking garage.

2. The plan involves getting food, seeing a movie, getting more food.  Question: Why must there be so much food??? I have a certain way of eating now, and I know it's probably very irritating, and there is freaking gluten in EVERYTHING.

3. Talking in the 1st food place.  Observations:  1. I want to take my kid to this food place. 2. Compliments are tricky things.

4.  Movie = 947792734974 stars. I seriously almost can't take how much I love the movie. Funny:  I get shushed by the man in front of me. Me and L. (my other kid) seem to always be getting shushed/yelled at in movies.

5. 2nd food place is cool, too. Observation: He knows the server, he comes here a lot. Conversation is interesting and more personal than I expected.

6. We walk around. Nostalgia:  I used to live in this city and frequent this area, everything I see is making me feel wistful.

7. We discuss online dating in general. Funny:  He winds up giving me tips/advice about my online profile -- the image I'm creating, what it could attract. He's kind of self-promoting, assuming that I'd want to attract guys like him. But in all, it's very nice of him to counsel me. haha

8. The conversation continues.  Observations: He is a gentleman. There are some gaps between us....I won't go into details, but I can feel the gaps. At one point, he defines 'hyperbole' for me. I LOL. ("I know you're a professor and all, but I was a middle school lit teacher, and I know what hyperbole is, sir!") 

9. Walk back to garage, hugs and goodnights.  Realization: We almost don't make it back to the garage in time. I felt stressed, b/c I didn't want to talk any more tonight. I realize that is probably bad.

10. He emails a follow-up thank you. My response: I thank him for a lovely evening, making sure to include the word "hyperbolic" in my note. haha


The learning curve is still steep.
I still believe that Dating Kiki 2.0 is a beneficial activity.
Acquiring a Gentleman 2012 is still in Phase 1.

Dating Kiki 2.0 - preview of Episode 8 - Gregory and Holden

Gregory ......and I may go out on Friday. We will see. I do not know yet if I am available. For some reason, I do not use a single contraction when I am speaking with him. I think it is because he does not use contractions.


Holden ......is the new front runner.
AND WE ALL KNOW HOW GREAT I AM AT PICKING OUT FRONT RUNNERS.

#curlyhair  #adorable #SIGH #doomed #ihopenot

Dating Kiki 2.0: Episode 7 - Felix Crashes and Burn

Review of Felix:current front runner.
former military. fun to chat with.
our plans last week got screwed up, and it was all very puzzling to me
wrote him an honest direct letter, which he never responded to.

We did have pleasant email exchanges and made plans to meet today. 

EXCEPT, mid-week, there was yet *another* ODD interaction:

1. Puzzling emails. Nice, making plans, but....off, somehow
2. I finally just asked him to call me (I'd had enough of trying to decipher the subtext of email messages. Just...enough.)  Like, CLARITY, NOW!!!
3. Wait for it....
4. HIS PHONE WAS BROKEN. It was at the Sprint store.
5. What a coincidence, I said.
6. He can not come up with a single idea of how to communicate with voice. Doesn't know any of his neighbors (what?), no webcam therefore no skype.
7. He has a knack for not quite answering even direct questions. His answers are replete w/ little inconsistencies.
8. He concludes that "it seems I don't trust him."
9. And then signs off.
10. Haven't heard from him since.

I ended up googling a little...and found that the picture he uses online is also used on other social networking sites, and they are all captioned w/ different dates. Like a variance of 6 yrs. (Does it matter? idk...)

NOTE: Online pictures are universally disingenuous, in that we all put our 'best shot' up...((we don't post the ones with our face contorted or where one eye is shut or where things appear to be bulging out of our clothes.))  But to put an old photo and caption it as recent.... seems dishonest to me. Maybe I'm being too harsh.

So, readers, help me out? What the heck could be the issue here? Make me laugh, make me cry, whatever...but any ideas?

My plan:
After I read/assimilate all of your valuable input, I'm going to pick myself up, note any lessons learned, maybe get a pedicure,  and soldier on with this experiment!