Crisis Part II (mid-life variety)

So my kids were at a retreat all weekend.
I'm doing so much better. I used to have to spend the night other places when they were gone, or borrow my niece. (She affectionately refers to those times as 'when she had to babysit me.' haha)

But this past weekend, I was able to stay home. Did nothing particularly productive. Nothing even particularly indulgent. Pretty much totally wasted time. Things just feel so lackluster when they're not around.

This makes me worry about the future. Eventually, that weekend will be my whole life. There is a chilling monologue in Notes on a Scandal about loneliness...she constructs her whole weekend around a trip to the laundromat, etc.

So I was talking to my friend Cindy about it - we are same age/same life stage/same living situation etc.
And she said that we are going to do something different than 'Empty Nest Syndrome', a sort of Mid-Life Crisis, but with a twist.
She said that we need to make another kind of list!! ((I was listening! I love lists! JOYLISTS = strength)) This list would be things we are going to get to do once our kids are grown up, in their own places.

We even came up with a name:
PLENTY as in "Praise the Lord for Empty Nests, Thank You...."

Here is one of hers:
Praise the Lord for Empty Nests, Thank You for not sitting on my new Harley Davidson softtail motorcycle

I'm working on it....I'm being proactive....

Crisis Part I

Ever heard this quote?


When written in Chinese, the word ''crisis'' is composed of two characters -- one represents danger, and the other represents opportunity.
John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) Thirty-fifth President of the USA


Well, turns out that it's not true. The 'danger' part is true, the 'opportunity' part is not. (My office mate is fluent in Korean and knows some Chinese. I heard this quote and loved the idea...played around with the translation tool, talked to him about it, he made me doubt it...I eventually found this ...

So, turns out Chinese wisdom agrees with my experience: crises suck.

Diane Arbus

I talked about Diane Arbus once on my other (sort of) site , but I had to mention it here since the blog-defining photo of the boy is hers.

I learned about her when I was young...in a photography class...the professor talked about the way she protected the dignity of her subjects even as she fully understood their chief flaw/struggle/disability (visually, I mean). That amazed me then, and it still does. Now I realize that it's even a God-like trait.

The professor said that she had a great rapport with her subjects, most of whom were 'different', or 'flawed'...Where most avert their eyes, she could focus the lens -- and with respect.

I found this quote of hers that explains a little bit of her thinking:

"Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats."

I'm attracted to her for the same reason I'm attracted to Philip Yancey and the father in the Hiding Place.

Addendum to JL3

C and L have to get braces. They really don't want braces, and Cath made this visual to show me why. It makes me laugh.

Joylist 3

1. the Thriller dance, and especially these 2 sisters who are going to teach us
2. 70 degree days this time of year (along with my belief that God pre-knew about Global Warming and uses even our bad choices to work out His plan)
3. Clif (met him & Barb before i even moved up here. i love how he loves people. Clif sees everyone as worth it. i love the example he is to L.)
4. Family Fun Nights -- the next one is imminent
5. watch about 20 seconds of this, and you'll feel happy:

Climbers and Pilots

I just finished the book "No Shortcuts to the Top" -- by and about Ed Viesturs, a guy who has climbed all fourteen 8000m mountains. I love reading about climbing, because it's something I would never do. I especially love reading stuff written by the actual climber, because I see this thing common to all of their personalities, and it fascinates me: a confidence that borders on arrogance.

When there is an accident, and people even lose their life, there is this calm rationalizing that it was human error that caused the accident, and an assumption that they won't commit those errors. Some of them come off as very arrogant.

I've read a couple of books about pilots, and the best is the Tom Wolfe book about astronauts (back in the day, the astronauts were test pilots, and test pilots were the cream-of-the-crop who tested proto-type planes, testing their limits, risking their life while acting very casual about it, etc..) He shows this attitude in the test pilots. Their friend might crash and die that day during a test , and they are definitely sad, but they also talk about the errors he made. Also, they don't say "crash" or "die", they use casual jargon...

They always say that surgeons are arrogant, too...so I was thinking about this arrogance -- that it's one way to deal with facing possible death (or causing death, in the surgeon's case)...it's a kind of courage, and I respect it. I'd rather a person like that fly my plane, or take out my appendix.

Another way people face possible death:

Lucas is interested in WWII, and has watched the Band of Brothers many times. We were talking about the young men living with their mortality staring them in the face like that. He said that one soldier's attitude was to consider himself 'already dead'. Write himself off - treat it as a given - and then he could go and do what he was trained to do without fear. Learning that made me respect soldiers even more.

And another way I've seen a person face possible death:

A well-respected man at our church has a form of brain cancer that may not heal. Our pastor interviewed him and his wife, and his way of dealing with it amazed me. He can say it, flat out. He is not afraid. His only concern is his family, his wife (he even tried to arrange another marriage for her for when he is gone...she joked about how controlling he can be...I am amazed/emotional again just writing this down). But he is full of faith, and trust. And so sure of the goodness of God.


My confession: I think about the word recently preached: "This is the end of all men, and the living take it to heart."
I want the husband's mindset- not even for thinking about my death, but just in life. The climber/pilot way would never work for me - I'm too incompetent. If I'm honest with myself, I'm closer to the soldier way. My predestination ideas have a little tinge of futility.

P.S. Spin

I love PostSecret, which I found on Jess's blog, which I also love.


I was thinking of a different version of this...still unifying but less voyeuristic....a lot less cool...but still...

have you ever admitted something to someone...something about you that you thought made you weird and maybe were a little embarrassed about...only to find out that they did it too??

I'll start...

Didn't you ever stare at your dog and promise that if he'd just talk to you right now, that you promise you won't tell anyone and it will be yours and his little secret (even though you knew if he really did talk, you'd think it was demonic and kill him immediately)?


Your turn!!

Joylist of the Week 2

1. My busdriver Rhonda. Impacts hundreds. Her bus is like a party.
2. the drama kids..some of my favorite people
3. i reconnected with a friend from whom i'd been estranged for 3 years. each email is a chapter long. i really missed her.
4. e and c's fabulous lipstick
5. This - it's crazy delicious

Joylist of the Week

1. French toast coffee from the On-the-Go over at the corner of 26 and 32
2. "Oh yeah Hans? Well, {in korean: I just pooped my pants}, so there!"
3. 1 John 4:10-11 to the Macarena
4. my mom's birthday! 63 years strong.
5. this, continual loop until i'm completely happy:

Philip Yancey

I love him. 'Disappointment with God' is one of his best books. It's about Job, and what to do with a shattered life. I'm reading his book on Prayer right now. Entire paragraphs are quotable.

I hear people use the word "edgy", sometimes in a shallow way ("has a tattoo in a visible spot"), sometimes in a more meaningful way ("not afraid to say the truth even if some get uncomfortable.")

I was thinking that Philip Yancey is edgy exactly in that meaningful way, and in an even better way- He is not afraid to go out to the edges and empathize with the hurt, the lost, the marginalized. He practically lives there, if his writing is any indication.
But I don't think he's bitter, or just being a contrarian just for it's own sake. (Someone called me that once. I had to come to terms with it!)


If you read through, you realize that he's grounded. If you can stick with his logic, you realize he's not breaking with the community of believers-he's making a bridge.