Dating Kiki 2.0: Observations

WARNING:  This is pretty tl;dr, but whatever.

My bff Cindy told me this months ago:
"There is nothing like dating to help you learn how effed up you really are." 
OK, I'm paraphrasing, but this was the gist.

Because "Reflection" is the better part of "Learning", I'm going to take the time to blog about Things I Am Learning As a Result of Dating Kiki 2.0.

I've been thinking really hard about things like:

• my Must Haves and Can't Stands
• what exactly is a Red Flag
• What Constitutes a Dealbreaker.

Naturally,  I'll be channeling Liz Lemon, inspired by this video
So I'll organize by talking about 3 Dealbreakers from that video, in reverse order:

DEALBREAKER ONE -Distance


Sue: And I'm here in New York while he's back in Holdskj;jfa;oijfa.
LL:  Long distance is the wrong distance, Sue. Dealbreaker!



Online dating has this one downfall. (insert laughter. Yes I know, it has a billion downfalls, but this is one) You get matched with ppl who live far away. And you'd be surprised how much that drive/distance can affect things. It feels like a work commute.
There are a million articles about 'long distance relationships', but generally, people agree they rarely work. And for those that work, it's not like anyone LOVES them.

So for me, long distance *is* the wrong distance, Liz Lemon,  but it's not quite a dealbreaker. I'm still in the (delusional?) mindset of thinking that people can be intentional, and overcome this obstacle.  And part of that overcoming would include eventually lessening that distance.

DEALBREAKER TWO - Selfishness

Paula:   Pete is refusing to drive to my parents house for just 2 weeks of family vacation!
LL:   No to the way to the Jose!  But Paula,  talk it out before you walk it out.


Here's the thing. NO ONE THINKS THEY ARE SELFISH.
And here's the other thing. BUT ALMOST EVERYONE IS.
And if you're in my age category and have been living by yourself for a while, multiply by 50.
So I know this is all about degrees of selfishness.

I also know that I have relatively low expectations in this department. I, for instance, don't think men should always have to pay for dates. My bff Cindy and I have argued talked about this at length.  WHile I still don't think men should always pay, I do agree w/ her that I need to raise my expectations. (Like, I feel bad if they have to drive far to see me...why should I feel bad? I'd drive far to see someone I liked...I'm worth a tank of gas...Sheesh. Cindy is right. Probably about all of it.)

So I'm thinking now that I need someone who wants to spend time with me, is willing to go out of their way for me, wants to bless me, etc. And then b/c I'll be cared for, I will be so be very free to focus on them, blessing them. It'll be a big..blessfest....of love.

So I'm mostly agreeing with Liz Lemon on this.

DEALBREAKER THREE - Infidelity

Angie:  I just found out that Tracy has a secret credit card that I knew nothing about!

LL:  Not on my watch, biootch!

Angie: And he's been using it to pay for a hotel room in NYC two days a week!

LL: S that D. Shutitdown. Dealbreaker.

We all know this turned out alright, Tracy was just tired. But I'm realizing that 'fidelity' is a Must Have for me.  And the corresponding effed up part in me is 'jealousy' and 'suspicion'. Call it insecurity, call it psychosis, whatever...but I do tend to sniff out signs of infidelity and run with it. Blame it on MBTI, blame it on my hellish history, whatever. (btw, if you knew half of it, you'd think I'm doing a pretty terrific job.)

Online dating is maddening, btw. The very nature of online dating makes commitment near impossible. 

You are seeing people pop up everyday. You are shopping. You want to get the Best Deal. You can have buyer's remorse when you settle on one. And by "You", I mean "He" (too). 

Also, I suck at things like "The Are-We-Exclusive Talk." I have all these awesome, mature thoughts in my head, but what comes out is nothing close. I often don't understand the outcome, either. A phrase will rattle around in my head until I can't even imagine what he meant by it. ((theoretical example.He might say something like, "I can't not like you!" Even after you work out the double negative, wtheck does this mean?And when you're trying to have a reassuring thought late at night and you're tired, you can see how "I can't not like you" doesn't exactly soothe, right??))

But at least I'm learning about my need for this. And I'm learning how poorly I express that need. 

And I agree with Liz Lemon on this one.

Never be so ...infatuated, swirly, whatever, that you ignore this kind of red flag.

 S to the D. Shut. It. Down.

So again, who knows where Acquiring A Gentleman 2012 will lead? I mean, the whole point is for it to lead to a gentleman, but EVEN IF IT DOESN'T, I am learning so, so much.
As my son asked me, "Why didn't you do this 15 years ago?" 

SOTD

Sisters of Mercy.....childhood nostalgia.....this song is speaking to me I think

Kiki-a-go-go: Why the Ocean is Magnificent

I get to go to the ocean very, very soon.

I'm a different person at sea level for myriad reasons:
I breathe easier (no allergies?),I move well (sea level is good for RA?)...but it's more than just physical.

Near the ocean, I am simultaneously calm and thrilled ...it's the best feeling.
Clear head, optimism, ideas flowing, and so much vibrating energy to act on all of it.

Now -- on to the post!

Reasons Why the Ocean is Magnificent by Kiki

*Disclaimer: I offer no scientific data to support any of this, these reasons may only make sense to me haha

 1. Water 
Being around all that water, all that oxygen..Breathing feels different.

2. Water, part 2
The salt in the ocean water makes it even healthier. I like to just be in the ocean, I can feel all that salt water healing me. (( I have a dream of floating in the Dead Sea someday.))

3. Size
Being near something that I can't see the end of...does something to me.  This aspect is responsible for that great combination of peace and excitement.

I have this idea that it's because I am getting a sense of the power of God. (I get a similar feeling when I learn about stars/space. Interesting that people with all different belief systems are drawn to the ocean..I've heard people talk about mountains in this way.)


I predict a future post: Why Does Kiki Not Just Live at the Beach (YOLO, etc)?
:)

Joylist! 2nd one of August 2012!

1. New shoes

In the pair on the left, I am almost 5' 4". That's not a typo. I tower over my barefoot self.

2. Soon, this will exist in my bathroom:

awesome vessel sink
don't know about that faucet tho

3. Hmm. I want to watch this. The director is named Cronenberg, but it's not the one you're thinking of. This guy is really young.

4. Dinner with Kelly and Josh and Rachel and Becca and Ben. Chinese Year Calendars and MBTI and talking too loudly and pretending to plan for the year and fun.



5. Future

except not the bangs. been there, done that.no bangs for me.
but yes to the umbrella, and the whole snowcone thing.
DETAILS TO COME.

joylist! (aug 1 2012)

1. More highlights at the end of August!! Contemplating adding COLOR!! #MLCCV

2. SPICY BLACKBERRY MARGARITA
a. Make the jalapeno tequila many days in advance. To do this, seed and chop jalapenos and put in     tequila. I used the tequila with the big chicken on the front.
b. Add 1" each of : the tequila, 'triple sec', soda water (I bought blackberry flavored), 'sweet and sour mix' (I skipped this b/c of all the sugar. My friend Diane bought this crystal light stuff. The blackberry flavored soda water seems fine to me. what do i know, though.)
c. Pour this over 'muddled' (bartender word for 'smooshed') blackberries
d. Straw. ENJOY SO SO MUCH. Blackberries + jalapenos = unlikely great combo

3. special friends and how they can instantly improve your day sometimes  >>>>>>

4. I GET TO GO TO MY MOM'S BEACH PLACE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS

5. Finally, this little bit of awesomeness