Hey kiddies, possibly an imminent bike ride!!! (Linus the cute and funny one with the blaring difference in belief. Because of the difference, you know that some of my friends are asking, "WHYYYY?" to which I answer "1. Cute and funny. 2. Bike. Duh.")
And maybe it's also a little bit to help me move on from Jasper.
J & I exchanged very brief email, in which I addressed some hard and confusing stuff that happened the last time we were together, to which he didn't really respond. Well, maybe he did a little. The closest he came was something like, "I hope it wasn't damaging."
Smh at such a weak, impotent apology....Written in the passive voice (No direct "I -verb-ed you and I am sorry.")...
I apologized for my part, and not in an oblique, wimpy way, either.
He did tell me some good personal news about himself. It related directly to advice I had given him from time to time about a personal issue. I was happy to read that. And I also thought about what a moron he is to break up, because I give stellar advice (when I'm certain about something.)
So, re: Jasper, I vacillate between feeling super sad, and feeling like, "Pshh. Good luck finding a person who will put up with your unique array of BS."
Usually the second, powerful feelings happen after I am buoyed up by the encouragement: L&C, my sister, YOU GUYS (Hilldweller!!!), my IRL pals, and of course, mom. I'm gonna spend at least 1/2 mile of our walk talking to Lil Kiki about it today, haha.
And truth is, I am just hurt. I have a unique array of BS myself.
Maybe weird to say this, but I just felt 'right' with Jasper. Maybe that's bad. As Hilldweller says: What if it's providential protection? (Not being with J)
All of it's irrelevant anyway, except insofar as it helps the learning.
So, onward~
I'll let you guys know how the bike ride goes!
Linus used to race, btw!
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1 comment:
Well written, Ms. Kiki.
There is indeed a "moving-on-ness" behind your words that is very encouraging in this post; not perfection, but progress, and dang, you really are brave, girl. And you have the good sense to obtain support and resources from your people who care about you, and amen to that, too.
You have a great weekend, Kiki.
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