And I'd go out with either a 2nd time!
A visual:
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A few details:
Neville
- Brought a very, very thoughtful gift.
- Launched right into a very interesting conversation about online dating issues.
- Old school class: insisted on paying for the food we ate, gave me the 'good seat' at the restaurant, walked me to my car.
I'm growing: When he first gave me the gift, I was thinking, "You know I'm not going to kiss you...riiiigggght?" But I buried the thought, and just received it and was gracious, and didn't feel like I 'owed' him anything at all.
Plus, he's open in a really nice, geeky way: He told me outright that he knows he's contending with other guys and wants me to remember him, hence, the gift.
I liked the conversation: He talks in numbers, percentages, patterns. He's approaching dating (he's new to it also) the way a computer programmer would: systematically. I find that kind of thing alien and super endearing. And actually pretty useful, I have adopted some of that approach myself, to balance my squishy, feelings-based approach of "intuition and gut rules all".
We're continuing the conversation via email and other portals of communication.
Oscar
- Played college sports! And is kinda humble about it. (He was a kicker, and he's like, "Don't tell anyone that." b/c he doesn't think kickers count as real football players haha)
- Conversation was easy, I can tell he'd make me laugh.
- Gentlemanly, too. Picked up the bill, walked me to my car. Strange coincidence: We parked right next to each other.
We met at a local restaurant, and there happened to be a festival in town, so we walked around that first. We talked about parenting, a little about school.
He's easy to talk to. He likes/plays sports, which at first makes me suspicious because I think it means they're idiots. But he's in IT, computers, so he must be pretty smart.
We both like the Steelers, and one funny thing: Apparently everyone around us was listening to our conversations, and the part about Big Ben was really annoying this one couple. He said they were shaking their heads at us, and before they left, we talked a little bit.
The date felt short, which is so much better than the ones that feel long.
One interesting thing that came up (on both first dates ?!) : How do people make things "official" and "exclusive" when using online dating? The very nature of it makes it so so difficult. It was cool to hear that men think of this idea, too. (They are the ones that brought it up!)
Neville said something interesting in a later email : Usually, it's the physical stuff that delineates exclusivity. When that physical stuff is off the table, it makes things a little fuzzier.
Oscar said that, for him, it's been the biggest problem w/ online dating, and it's something he wants to "work on."
I personally think this (and these thoughts are forming even as I type this sentence)
The issue is having a divided heart.
If it comes time to commit to someone, you have to do so with an undivided heart.
That requires a high character, it requires faithfulness and single-mindedness.
You possess these character traits to whatever degree; it isn't something that is 'inspired' by another person. It's an internal thing.
A faithful person will be faithful no matter who they are with.
An unfaithful person will stray no matter who they are with.
Online dating doesn't MAKE a person unfaithful, it simply REVEALS their character, because it makes it so, so easy to stray, without fear of consequences or judgement.
The people who can't take their profile down and commit to you when it's time, are the same people who flirt with coworkers in real life, and/or ogle servers in bars, and/or go places they shouldn't go, and/or have affairs, and on and on.
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