"Bert" is currently the front runner, based on vague, Malcolm-Gladwell-Blink-ey impressions that I get from the emails.
I'm holding onto these impressions very loosely, though, because of Online Persona thing (even people trying to represent themselves accurately seem very different in real life).
I happened to be going to a suburb near where Bert resides, so I was going to tack on meeting him.
Plans to have a 'cup of coffee'. My virtual friends who read this blog are giving me fantastic advice, and a coffee date was a tip from a virtual bff Perennia (HI PERENNIA).
Her rationale: If it's a good date, you both leave wanting a 2nd one. And if it's horrible, you're only out 5 bucks and a half hour of your precious life. That's solid advice.
So the plans happen on email. He is working, but tells me his schedule. I do the awkward first *67 call.
No answer. Leave a message. Hours. No reply. I briefly wonder if it's my voice. (2 people have said that I sound different than they expected. They're always quick to say that it's not bad, which tells me that it is, in fact, bad.) I shrug, and enjoy the heck out of the rest of the day and the real reason I was there.
He finally sends a message. Emergency at work, he's still there, sorry blah blah blah.
I laugh (smirk) at this flimsy excuse, but a friend reminds me of something I said earlier during the drive (in a completely unrelated conversation, this guy is hella smart, a student at a topnotch university, and he was teaching me about Immanual Kant).
I had said that I want to be one of those people who assumes the best possible motivations in others. Sees people in the best possible light. It'd be good for me, for them, good karma-wise, etc. And even somehow do this without lying to myself all the time.
So he challenged me -- look! Right away, a perfect opportunity to practice this new attitude!
So I did! I pretended that Bert really was working late! I pretended that he was sorry, and I pretended that I didn't get blown off.
Bert sent more messages when he "got home from work", and now I have to decide if I should pretend they're worth answering.
Thoughts, readers??
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3 comments:
Sounds legit to me - you proposed a last-minute drive-by, he wasn't available, no biggie! Trust your instincts, but give him another chance (let him suggest it since you already made the "first" move) and see how that goes. By his multi-message response it sounds like he is definitely interested. Coffee date, same rules. :) Meet sooner rather than later to prevent the "persona" effect as much as you can. If you keep up the pen pal thing too long it will be too hard to make the shift to reality.
I think that's all the wisdom I got... for now... ;) xoxoxo, P
On second review, a couple more thoughts: what is his work? If it's interfering with a first date, not to jump to conclusions but you have to wonder how often it'd come up if you got together. Red flag I missed in my last marriage: ex brought his laptop and worked at my house on our 4th date. Yeah. Someone wise once told me that people will tell you exactly who they are right from the beginning, we just have to be willing to hear them. So, no rose-colored glasses but don't be too quick to write them off, either. One chance is what I'd give someone. Maybe that's not generous but I've given too many in the past and I have 2 divorces to show for it! ;) My biased $0.02.
Your .04 is, in fact, priceless.
I think I have it:
1. Let him initiate if there's to be another go at this.
2. Give the benefit of the doubt, but not naively or stupidly.
Any more red flags, no matter how they're explained away, should be treated as such.
The work thing is a good point, too...
I was more thinking by "work emergency", he meant "my wife and kids" LOL
But it's true, the laptop on date 4 sounds not good.
SO -- Rose colored glasses, smashed.
Paranoia - in check.
I will let you know if anything develops. Please continue standing by, Perennia.
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