Stable job, wealthy, blah blah. Feels we're compatible, but based on what exactly, I'm not sure. (I'm not into money, and "stability", *yawn*...) After a (*67ed) conversation, we agree to meet. Public place, walk around, eat food, etc.
Prep for the date:
Immediately, images of every conceivable way this could go wrong goes through my head. Reruns of Oprah's show that taught us how to remove the tailights out from inside a trunk...Possible headlines following the aftermath of this date....and then it dawns on me! MY KID IS THE ANSWER. If he is there, I'll feel comfortable.
L and some of his friends offer dating advice these days. Initially, it amused me. But their advice is actually *good*; and so now I laugh, but secretly take notes. (High five to all of my fantastic friends who raised these wise kids)
L and some of his friends offer dating advice these days. Initially, it amused me. But their advice is actually *good*; and so now I laugh, but secretly take notes. (High five to all of my fantastic friends who raised these wise kids)
So we make plans for L & Crew to come along. Not as participants. As the Random Public, walk around, eat food, etc -- but standing by if needed.
The Date in 10
1. Arrive, park, find each other.
2. Awkward hellos. Words, pleasantries, fake laughs.
Aside: Fascinating to take in my first experience with the contrast of the Online Person and the IRL Person. Not even saying he misrepresented himself -- it's just very, very different. Trying to absorb this concept. Realizing that I am probably very different on paper also.
3. Stores, nice clerks who assuage some of the awkwardness.
4. KIDS ENTER. ZOMG.
Aside: I can't make eye contact with them. Biting the inside of my cheeks hard to keep a straight face, and digging my fingernails into my hands. I will have to do this all day (self-inflict pain)all day long to keep from laughing.
5. Forced talk, more stores.
6. Kids saying ridiculous things to make me break, lounging on steps as we pass, texting me funny things ("ABORT ABORT ABORT")
Aside: We're exchanging stories, and my heart is hurting for him. I go into counselor mode, because I feel I know how to deal with loneliness (HOBBIES. RUN LONG DISTANCES. GET PUGS/FRIENDS.). Ironically, I don't think dating is the right way to deal with loneliness. I'm trying to convey this, not caring how confusing this conversation could be, b/c I really want to help.
7. He interrupts me with an abrupt invitation to go to his house right then (wtf?)
8. I show ninja conversation skills w/ deft avoidance and topic change.
Aside: The kid stuff continues to be the funniest part. If I could have filmed it and edited, it would be TV-show-funny.Clip: L to his male friend in a store: "This kinda goes with your eyes..." Clip: At one point, he was asking about my kids and I was telling him about my 19 year old son, and I could've turned and pointed to L ("..and here he is!") It's hard to convey, but I seriously felt like we had a *script*.
9. Wrapping it up two hrs too late, by our cars. The end:
He brings up the home thing again. I am feeling sad; his loneliness is palpable. I decide to give him some truth.
I do well: I tell him that yes, it took me aback, because visiting a man's home is like step 692 and we're only on step 3, and so yes, it was odd.
But he doesn't want to learn. He blurts out, "What step is sex?" (?!!!)
All my pity turns immediately to annoyance. "Step 12 billion."
He asks for a hug. I shrug, irritated and say I guess so. He immediately asks, "How about a kiss?"
My annoyance is now irritation. "Now you can have a handshake."
10. Drive away. He sits there, on his phone...probably updating his spreadsheet.
I'm going to continue the Dating Kiki 2.0 experiment. Proceed with eyes wide open and brain cranked up.
I'll share here and with friends and be open to critique.
By the way: I'll share judiciously.
Like for this one...if you only knew what I'd left out, geez....
My goal is to write this stuff honestly, while still protecting the dignity of those involved (as much as I can).
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