The perception, it is wrong, mile after mile

This matches my mood right now. #Melancholia

Kikiiiiiiii Dates! Episode 14: Karl and Linus

Still trying to break down the concept of "Chemistry". So elusive!!
Maybe it's a formula?  (Physical Attraction + Connection = Chemistry?)

In "The Main" by Trevanian, there is a young policeman who meets a girl and feels he's in love within weeks. He feels a little silly, and is confiding in his seasoned, gruff mentor, LaPointe.
While it's not his way to disabuse the young man of the notion that he is ridiculous, and so says nothing reassuring whatsoever-- LaPoint does understand and sympathize. (In his mind), LaPointe reflects on how he felt when he met his wife, how he loved her almost immediately.
I remember this line: "How long does it really take?"

I'm finding the answer to be:  Not nearly as long as you'd think. You just have to be willing to be honest with yourself.

Karl

We went on a bona-fide date:
Wonderful event.  Amazing food. Either honestly couldn't have been better.

Karl is smart and kind and interesting.
And yet, conversation felt like work.


Linus

Linus is a new one - There are some (surely dealbreaking) differences, but I want to meet him anyway, and he wants to meet me. So we do.
Linus is:

• Really cute
• Funny
• a motorcyclist!!!!!

Good conversation, even about our differences. 

One very cool coincidence. 

Probably a bike ride in my future, and probably a friend.

Joylist! Sept 2012

1. MY iPHONE
I love it so much I want to take it behind a middle school and get it pregnant.
And it's just a 4.
And I am probably only using it to 10% of its capability.
With it, I:

• Call ppl
• Play Scramble with Friends (I'm good compared to everyone but Cat)
• Play Words with Friends (I'm pretty good)
• Play Draw Something (Surprisingly terrible at this. Poor Miguel (only person I play) )
• Listen to music
• Check all my social media
• Surf web
• Connect to wifi's with ease
• Hold it with one hand and text!
• iMessage ppl w/ iPhones for free
• EMOJI EMOJI EMOJI EMOJI
• Use super cool new apps to get fit: RunKeeper and MyFitnessPal
• Watch how I can prove how I feel, USING MY iPHONE:

2.  Related to 1 but deserving it's own point in this Joylist:
The app called "RUNKEEPER"

It uses the GPS in my phone to track how far I run, my avg pace, how many calories I'm burning.
Then it posts the data with a map of the run, and tweets a link! If I had a 'street team' we could all compete. I'm currently tracking their hashtag on twitter and considering asking random ppl to start a street team. I'm trying to get iPhone friends to use it, too.

My profile:
http://runkeeper.com/user/KikiGetsFit/profile
I can't adequately express how much I love this app. And no, Runkeeper isn't paying me either.


3.  These ppl I used to do Bible study with contacted me and want to start again. Out of the blue, and at just the right time.

4. Orchid highlights.
I got them. Jenni is the best. I still want to do an entry on her alone.
I'm getting such a mixed reaction to them.
Generally, young people and creative people love them.
Conservative people hate them.
I am not sure about how men feel about them, and for right now I don't care.
I think Cat and Lucas like them.
Me? I LOVE THEM.

5.  Here, this will help you when you make unusual hair choices, or just want to be yourself in a sea of dissenters, or are surrounded by d-bags, and probably other situations as well. You're welcome.

Dating Kiki 2.0: Karl IRL

Impression after our first meeting? He's pretty cool.

• Accomplished in his field
• Great eyewear
• We're the same MBTI type, ha!
• The awesome Nepalese barista  at the coffee place knows him! Even took Karl to some exotic place for dinner. I said to the A.N.B, "Hey man, you take your coffee customers to dinner? When is it my turn?"

 ASIDE: 

Just look at how my flirting skills are improving!!!! 

To review:  ANB is that one w/ whom I had an extreme flirting fail earlier this year...went something like :

ANB:  Where have you been! I've missed you! (I'd been at training.)

Me:  (red face, brain exploding) Well, I didn't miss you!

ANB: (puzzled expression) Well....coffee of the day, then?

Me: (nods, avoids further eye contact)

Now just look at me. "When is it my turn?" followed by laughlaughlaugh. Practically asked him to dinner.   #SWAG , middle aged category

BACK TO KARL

We walked around DC for the duration of my lunch break, and then a little more. Time went superfast, even despite the fact that I didn't change out of my heels and my feet really hurt. ((Vanity, sheesh. ))

We are both interested in collaboration, people, personality assessment...that sort of thing.

He told me about a life goal of his that he admitted he's only told 1 other person! I felt very privileged. So in return, I told him an idea of how to keep that goal alive...an idea that I share with relatively few people.

Interesting conversation...and I hope we stay friends....but I'm not sure if there will be more 'dates'. 

#IAmPatheticButHeIsNotJasper  

In the meantime, we're now playing Scramble w/ Friends and Words w/ Friends. ( and I'm killing it, haha, but can't tell if he's just letting me win!)

Dating Kiki 2.0 - Episode 12 - Karl Preview

Pasting here something I posted on a MBTI site. The thread was asking if my type (ENFP - we're know for being able to 'read' people) ever has a lapse in that ability, and how it makes us feel, etc.
My answer:

1. 1. This question made me realize a situation in which I'm pretty horribly inept at reading people: 

      When I'm physically/emotionally attracted to someone or romantically interested. It's a huge problem area. And yes it is confusing, and scary, and causes anxiety. It's the area of my life where I'd tend to make negative assumptions...maybe to protect myself from disappointment? I don't know.
      
      It's only when it personally involves me though.
      Check this out:
      I have a crazy knack for reading romantic interactions that don't involve me! This is silly and odd, but I called the whole Jesse James/Sandra Bullock thing just from watching him look at her when she gave her Oscar acceptance speech. I blurted it out because it made me so sad, and all my friends watching the Oscars with me thought I was nuts and teased me about it.
      Then, when his cheating scandal came out a week or so later, all those same friends were calling me and asking me what I thought their husbands/SOs thought of them. haha
      
      I have had several times when I knew that people were secretly dating.
      Give me just a few minutes watching people, and I know who is into who...and who isn't.
      People have asked me how I know these things, and it's hard for me to break it down for them. When I try, they feel that it wasn't enough evidence. (But *shrug*, I'm right after all, which they'll admit.)
      
      But when it involves me, or if I think someone is attractive, I totally blank the eff out. Combined with the fact that I get awkward around people I find attractive, and can't string together more than 2 coherent thoughts, well...let's just say that it can suck.

So this was a good thing to realize about myself, and especially how this affect my Dating Experiment.

Today, I'm meeting a new man on my lunch hour. Just a quick meeting, per Perennia's perennial great advice.

Online Karl:  Well-educated, witty, energetic, artistic. Interesting perspectives, judging from his answers to the questions on the site. I bought some new eyeliner for the occasion! ha


P.S.
I suppose I should say something about Jasper here, but....
I guess I don't understand what happened yet. Maybe I won't ever understand. I'm kinda waiting for him to explain it to me.

So for now.... I have no words of my own. 
I'll borrow from Vonnegut, because I love him and this fits in content and feeling:


So it goes. 

-KV

Dating Kiki 2.0: Observations

WARNING:  This is pretty tl;dr, but whatever.

My bff Cindy told me this months ago:
"There is nothing like dating to help you learn how effed up you really are." 
OK, I'm paraphrasing, but this was the gist.

Because "Reflection" is the better part of "Learning", I'm going to take the time to blog about Things I Am Learning As a Result of Dating Kiki 2.0.

I've been thinking really hard about things like:

• my Must Haves and Can't Stands
• what exactly is a Red Flag
• What Constitutes a Dealbreaker.

Naturally,  I'll be channeling Liz Lemon, inspired by this video
So I'll organize by talking about 3 Dealbreakers from that video, in reverse order:

DEALBREAKER ONE -Distance


Sue: And I'm here in New York while he's back in Holdskj;jfa;oijfa.
LL:  Long distance is the wrong distance, Sue. Dealbreaker!



Online dating has this one downfall. (insert laughter. Yes I know, it has a billion downfalls, but this is one) You get matched with ppl who live far away. And you'd be surprised how much that drive/distance can affect things. It feels like a work commute.
There are a million articles about 'long distance relationships', but generally, people agree they rarely work. And for those that work, it's not like anyone LOVES them.

So for me, long distance *is* the wrong distance, Liz Lemon,  but it's not quite a dealbreaker. I'm still in the (delusional?) mindset of thinking that people can be intentional, and overcome this obstacle.  And part of that overcoming would include eventually lessening that distance.

DEALBREAKER TWO - Selfishness

Paula:   Pete is refusing to drive to my parents house for just 2 weeks of family vacation!
LL:   No to the way to the Jose!  But Paula,  talk it out before you walk it out.


Here's the thing. NO ONE THINKS THEY ARE SELFISH.
And here's the other thing. BUT ALMOST EVERYONE IS.
And if you're in my age category and have been living by yourself for a while, multiply by 50.
So I know this is all about degrees of selfishness.

I also know that I have relatively low expectations in this department. I, for instance, don't think men should always have to pay for dates. My bff Cindy and I have argued talked about this at length.  WHile I still don't think men should always pay, I do agree w/ her that I need to raise my expectations. (Like, I feel bad if they have to drive far to see me...why should I feel bad? I'd drive far to see someone I liked...I'm worth a tank of gas...Sheesh. Cindy is right. Probably about all of it.)

So I'm thinking now that I need someone who wants to spend time with me, is willing to go out of their way for me, wants to bless me, etc. And then b/c I'll be cared for, I will be so be very free to focus on them, blessing them. It'll be a big..blessfest....of love.

So I'm mostly agreeing with Liz Lemon on this.

DEALBREAKER THREE - Infidelity

Angie:  I just found out that Tracy has a secret credit card that I knew nothing about!

LL:  Not on my watch, biootch!

Angie: And he's been using it to pay for a hotel room in NYC two days a week!

LL: S that D. Shutitdown. Dealbreaker.

We all know this turned out alright, Tracy was just tired. But I'm realizing that 'fidelity' is a Must Have for me.  And the corresponding effed up part in me is 'jealousy' and 'suspicion'. Call it insecurity, call it psychosis, whatever...but I do tend to sniff out signs of infidelity and run with it. Blame it on MBTI, blame it on my hellish history, whatever. (btw, if you knew half of it, you'd think I'm doing a pretty terrific job.)

Online dating is maddening, btw. The very nature of online dating makes commitment near impossible. 

You are seeing people pop up everyday. You are shopping. You want to get the Best Deal. You can have buyer's remorse when you settle on one. And by "You", I mean "He" (too). 

Also, I suck at things like "The Are-We-Exclusive Talk." I have all these awesome, mature thoughts in my head, but what comes out is nothing close. I often don't understand the outcome, either. A phrase will rattle around in my head until I can't even imagine what he meant by it. ((theoretical example.He might say something like, "I can't not like you!" Even after you work out the double negative, wtheck does this mean?And when you're trying to have a reassuring thought late at night and you're tired, you can see how "I can't not like you" doesn't exactly soothe, right??))

But at least I'm learning about my need for this. And I'm learning how poorly I express that need. 

And I agree with Liz Lemon on this one.

Never be so ...infatuated, swirly, whatever, that you ignore this kind of red flag.

 S to the D. Shut. It. Down.

So again, who knows where Acquiring A Gentleman 2012 will lead? I mean, the whole point is for it to lead to a gentleman, but EVEN IF IT DOESN'T, I am learning so, so much.
As my son asked me, "Why didn't you do this 15 years ago?" 

SOTD

Sisters of Mercy.....childhood nostalgia.....this song is speaking to me I think

Kiki-a-go-go: Why the Ocean is Magnificent

I get to go to the ocean very, very soon.

I'm a different person at sea level for myriad reasons:
I breathe easier (no allergies?),I move well (sea level is good for RA?)...but it's more than just physical.

Near the ocean, I am simultaneously calm and thrilled ...it's the best feeling.
Clear head, optimism, ideas flowing, and so much vibrating energy to act on all of it.

Now -- on to the post!

Reasons Why the Ocean is Magnificent by Kiki

*Disclaimer: I offer no scientific data to support any of this, these reasons may only make sense to me haha

 1. Water 
Being around all that water, all that oxygen..Breathing feels different.

2. Water, part 2
The salt in the ocean water makes it even healthier. I like to just be in the ocean, I can feel all that salt water healing me. (( I have a dream of floating in the Dead Sea someday.))

3. Size
Being near something that I can't see the end of...does something to me.  This aspect is responsible for that great combination of peace and excitement.

I have this idea that it's because I am getting a sense of the power of God. (I get a similar feeling when I learn about stars/space. Interesting that people with all different belief systems are drawn to the ocean..I've heard people talk about mountains in this way.)


I predict a future post: Why Does Kiki Not Just Live at the Beach (YOLO, etc)?
:)

Joylist! 2nd one of August 2012!

1. New shoes

In the pair on the left, I am almost 5' 4". That's not a typo. I tower over my barefoot self.

2. Soon, this will exist in my bathroom:

awesome vessel sink
don't know about that faucet tho

3. Hmm. I want to watch this. The director is named Cronenberg, but it's not the one you're thinking of. This guy is really young.

4. Dinner with Kelly and Josh and Rachel and Becca and Ben. Chinese Year Calendars and MBTI and talking too loudly and pretending to plan for the year and fun.



5. Future

except not the bangs. been there, done that.no bangs for me.
but yes to the umbrella, and the whole snowcone thing.
DETAILS TO COME.

joylist! (aug 1 2012)

1. More highlights at the end of August!! Contemplating adding COLOR!! #MLCCV

2. SPICY BLACKBERRY MARGARITA
a. Make the jalapeno tequila many days in advance. To do this, seed and chop jalapenos and put in     tequila. I used the tequila with the big chicken on the front.
b. Add 1" each of : the tequila, 'triple sec', soda water (I bought blackberry flavored), 'sweet and sour mix' (I skipped this b/c of all the sugar. My friend Diane bought this crystal light stuff. The blackberry flavored soda water seems fine to me. what do i know, though.)
c. Pour this over 'muddled' (bartender word for 'smooshed') blackberries
d. Straw. ENJOY SO SO MUCH. Blackberries + jalapenos = unlikely great combo

3. special friends and how they can instantly improve your day sometimes  >>>>>>

4. I GET TO GO TO MY MOM'S BEACH PLACE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS

5. Finally, this little bit of awesomeness