So Dating Kiki 2.0 was bound to make me break out my "Please Understand Me" book (well-loved, pages falling out, stolen from my first church library). Now there are 983292 forums online to read through, too, which I've
And let's be real, specifically, it was JASPER who inspired me...
[Our types connect on our dominant function, I'm Ne and he is Ni, (iNtuitive Extraversion, iNtuitive Introversion). Basically, non-stop N-ing the entire time we're together. It's relatively rare, we can speak almost in code. Which is awesome]
Jasper and I had several dates, and each one had something really, really sweet that made me crave another date:
Date 1: Art Show
We walked around a local art show. His communication style -- jumping from topic to topic, from deep to whimsical -- my ADD was just singing, do you know what I mean?
One
He pretended not to notice.
It happened 4 MORE TIMES.
Finally, I just confronted it, "Hey, this is kinda awful, and you're being really nice to pretend not to notice, but my shirt...?"
And he was so nice, he right away said, "Yeah! I've been thinking about how to help, I found this paperclip back there!"
And he offered the paperclip and an idea to tie it around the button, which turns out I couldn't do and he ended up doing, averting his eyes and fixing the problem and saving my dignity all at the same time.
And this interaction seems small, but it's representative of all our interactions, and it flipped a switch in me. That. Fast.
Date 2: The walk-around-a-cool-city date
Date3: THE MOTORCYCLE RIDE DATE
Detail: We went 98 twice! He didn't know how I'd feel about 3-digit speed. haha
Note: Riding motorcycles is now at the top of my wishlist for the Gentleman I shall Acquire in 2012.
Date 4: The dinner and movie date.
Date 5: The hang-out-at-a-house-and-do-normal things-date
And there may be no Date 6,7, etc. Or there may be. I don't know. I can't even put odds right now.
It's because there are some differences, and I can't tell if they're significant, or just the kind that I refer to as Charlotte's Web kind.
((There is a part in the book Charlotte's Web, where Wilbur learns that Charlotte traps insects and then sucks their blood. He really struggles with this bloodthirsty quality in his new friend, and I love the idea that E.B. White seems to put out there: how it's hard when we learn things about our new friends, but then we'll get used to the idea and understand that it's not really a problem. It's so so true!))
So now I don't know if I should just keep going, go on coffee dates with other people.
And the worst: Jasper thinks it would be fine, which tells me everything I need to know. ((Our issue is that he perceives me as having a lot of energy, and he just can't do that pace. This confuses me b/c I see myself as having much lower energy than I did in my 20s and 30s. So I see myself as pretty tame and boring now. I will say that when I'm with JASPER, I am probably vibrating w/ invisible energy though. I don't know.))
I know he enjoys being with me. Myers-Briggs again, he is so majorly Intoverted and needs so much alone time, and yet he will talk on the phone with me for hours and hours. He doesn't like dates to extend 5 hrs (another quirk of his), so I playfully said my goal was to make him go over 5 hrs everytime we're together. Once, we tripled that.
So I know I'm exhausting him. And I can't stop.
And I guess the bottom line: He is not as into me as I am into him. Because I would NEVER tell him to see others.
So, writing this out is helping me find my own answer.
Dating Kiki 2.0: I keep going.
Today I went on the site, and there were messages from lotsa people. A few were interesting. You all are going to KILL ME, but Felix actually wants to try again. There is Linus, from the other site. And some other guys who I don't even feel I can muster enough drive to answer their silly "If you were a fruit, what fruit would you be?" type canned questions. And who I'm not excited about at all.
Please know that I am not nearly as depressed as this sounds, I'm just maybe a 7 on a sad scale of 1-10.
And I get to see Moonrise Kingdom again, and the person I'm seeing it with is a gem, and she won't even know it, and she'll be healing to be around. So YAY GOD for this timing.
I await your feedback, and I already know it will be gentle, and true, and helpful.
Classy cheek kisses for all of you,
Kiki out.
3 comments:
OK chica, breathe!! Jasper sounds da-REAMY! And I do think he really likes you. Yeah, sounds like his introversion could be really deep and even though might be mellower than you used to be, he will need space and time so that he can be fully present with you. It's actually *excellent* that he knows this about himself. Imagine how icky it would be if all of a sudden he disappeared or pulled away without telling you why. This way, you know why.
I am very introverted myself and I can completely relate. You know how sometimes it takes me a little bit to write back sometimes? It's just the ebb and flow of my naturally stunted social energies, babe. :) That's just how we roll! Nothin' but love fo ya.
And I do NOT think his saying "yeah sure, keep seeing other people if you want to" is him blowing you off or liking you less, in any way. He needs a bit of space and you need more stimulation, maybe, and he is being good to give you that space. It's not a diss! It's respectful and considerate. He is clearly crazy about you but doesn't want to fence you in or freak you out. You are a wee bit skittish, m'dear! Give the guy some credit for cottoning onto that. :)
I have 3 dogs. One of them just can't walk as far as the others. So we go for a quick walk with all three then I drop him off and take the other 2 out for longer (also a MF NSV but that's not for here). Jasper is the dog that doesn't need as long of a walk. :) No judgments! It just is!
So, finish out the alphabet (Felix, meh) but don't write Jasper off yet. It seriously also could be that he is ready to commit but knows you aren't quite yet, and he is giving you the room you need to keep exploring.
I am getting an earthy, Taurus vibe from this guy just from what you're saying... funny.
Anyway... 1) chill. 2) I see this as very awesome behavior on his part. 3) YAY!!! Enjoy it!!
I'm going to repost part of my comment on the MF blog because I really like it now hat I see it again: He's giving you SPACE, peaches. Permission to finish your explorations and settle down at a pace that is comfortable to you. To men, the giving of space is an overwhelming gift of love and trust. To a woman, space is a cold and lonely vacuum. So take his perspective on it and don't freak out. :)
And just remember that he said that was fine with (probably) very little thought, compared to all the time we will spend hashing it out here.
I read this post after the July 11th one, and now I see I put the you tube link on the WRONG post. So sorry.
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