Dating Kiki 2.0 - Episode 10 Jasper

This post could be subtitled "ZOMG"

Jasper, online

riohw34ooi3up97u4i;o

• dsdsdsd
• sd23847cassdhjsdhjsdhjsjhsdhjsdhjsd
• sdsdsdlsjfsfjsrjwerjwsd
• sd

sdiwei;ower3049uersksdjsdjksdjksdjksdjkw34
eraeroiaeroyhgaeryh
dsddehp343049093430493049

Jasper, irl

SDJKDSJKSDSDJKSDJKSDN!!!!!!

• FRDERU34JDJFSDSD!!!!!!???!!!!
• 834SDIFLHSDSDIL!!!!!!!
• 938434SDJKFDJSD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UPDATE:  I wrote all that and I will be more clear.
I just don't know what to write.
We've had 3 dates so far.
This is how I feel about him:

What's a girl to do?
My 5-point plan:

1. Get my MLC-CV (Midlife Crisis -Controlled version) tattoo of the Jane's Addiction lyrics on one wrist.
2. Tattoo this on the other: Above. all .else. guard. the. heart.
3. Chill the frick out.
4. Clean my house and do productive things for once.
5. Anything you guys recommend, b/c you haven't steered me wrong yet.

Cheek kisses for everyone, and Kiki out.

Kimba

This is from my old blog (from the myspace days...http://www.myspace.com/joymonger/blog  I can't even remember my password to login now, and it was an adelphia.net address -- adelphia isn't around anymore )

Kimba was a Japanese cartoon that ran in the 70s. It came on after Speed Racer. Kimba was this adorable yet tough white lion. In my memory, he led all the other animals and was a master at conflict resolution.

I didn't just love Kimba..didn't just obsess over Kimba...I *was* Kimba.

I had patches on all the knees of my jeans from running around on all fours. I fought rogue animals, found alternative water sources during droughts, rescued loved ones when they dangled from cliffs. Every time I watched it, I acted out the intro with Kimba running to save someone or set something right...

I stayed in character when the ladies came over for morning coffee, growling under the table. My mom's seemingly offhand acceptance of my behavior was really just her way of daring them to say anything about it.

When I played with my Matchbox cars, they were all really animals in my mind. The white sports car was Kimba.

I think I was 5 or 6 when I quit being Kimba publicly.

DK 2.0 Episode 9- Holden, Izzy, and Jasper

Holden

-curly hair, kind eyes
-was the front runner
-yes, you read that past tense correctly
-we had decided that "Yes, meeting is good!"
-never heard from him again.

Because of my friends (present readership , I am talking about YOU here), these are the kinds of things I think now when I get this low-level, oblique rejection:

Oh Well. This kind of thing happens. It's probably for the best.  Move on. NEXT!

I'd like you all to take special note:   Not a single self-doubting, insecure thought in the mix. You might not know how big a deal this is for me.
I feel like taking all the money I was ever considering spending on a therapist and taking you all on a cruise as a way to say "Thank You."

Izzy
 The Izzy section could be subtitled, "Don't Judge Me"

- really devoted father
- in email correspondence, mentioned his kid every 2 sentences
- you know, that thing we parents do when we mention every smart/cute/funny thing our little offspring says/does and we think we're being charming conversationalists
- plans to meet for coffee

On the free dating website, you can take a billion tests and answer a billion questions, and they make a personality assessment for you, a graphic that tells if you are "More" or "Less" various traits than ppl of your age and gender. One of my traits is that I'm "More Geeky" than women my age, and that's the trait that Izzy and I seem to connect on.

BUT, at the last minute, something comes up and he has his kid that night, and we have to cancel/postpone. 

I have typed and erased a joke sentence about how he was prob relieved, b/c he got to spend the evening w/ his kid instead....But I can't make the joke work and not sound mean...and the truth is, it's good if a guy is into his children!!! And I AM PRETTY POSITIVE I did that thing w/ my kids, too....and still do ....

Ugly confession time:

Even though there has been no date, conversations w/ guys w/ little kids has made me think.
Maybe I'm not up for dating someone with little kids. Or maybe casual dating is fine....just not aserious/committed relationship where there's a chance I could someday be "Stepmom Kiki."

 I used to think the Baroness in the Sound of Music was HORRIBLE when Max was asking her about the fact that the Captain had 6 kids, and she's like:

Darling, haven't you ever heard of a delightful little thing called boarding school?

And while I still think Maria is the best person ever, and I aspire to be her, I have a lot more grace toward the Baroness now. I mean, look at her awesome hair.

 Jasper


OK, this is unprecedented: I'm gonna hold these cards close to my chest for now.

Promise I'll tell more very, very soon.

I just wanted all of you to know that there is a Jasper.

DK 2.0 - Episode 8 Gregory

The Date, meaning the guy:
Gregory is a professor, uses words like "Luddite" in everyday conversation.

The Date, meaning the actual event,  in 10:

1. We meet in a nearby city.     Coincidence: He is right behind me at the parking garage.

2. The plan involves getting food, seeing a movie, getting more food.  Question: Why must there be so much food??? I have a certain way of eating now, and I know it's probably very irritating, and there is freaking gluten in EVERYTHING.

3. Talking in the 1st food place.  Observations:  1. I want to take my kid to this food place. 2. Compliments are tricky things.

4.  Movie = 947792734974 stars. I seriously almost can't take how much I love the movie. Funny:  I get shushed by the man in front of me. Me and L. (my other kid) seem to always be getting shushed/yelled at in movies.

5. 2nd food place is cool, too. Observation: He knows the server, he comes here a lot. Conversation is interesting and more personal than I expected.

6. We walk around. Nostalgia:  I used to live in this city and frequent this area, everything I see is making me feel wistful.

7. We discuss online dating in general. Funny:  He winds up giving me tips/advice about my online profile -- the image I'm creating, what it could attract. He's kind of self-promoting, assuming that I'd want to attract guys like him. But in all, it's very nice of him to counsel me. haha

8. The conversation continues.  Observations: He is a gentleman. There are some gaps between us....I won't go into details, but I can feel the gaps. At one point, he defines 'hyperbole' for me. I LOL. ("I know you're a professor and all, but I was a middle school lit teacher, and I know what hyperbole is, sir!") 

9. Walk back to garage, hugs and goodnights.  Realization: We almost don't make it back to the garage in time. I felt stressed, b/c I didn't want to talk any more tonight. I realize that is probably bad.

10. He emails a follow-up thank you. My response: I thank him for a lovely evening, making sure to include the word "hyperbolic" in my note. haha


The learning curve is still steep.
I still believe that Dating Kiki 2.0 is a beneficial activity.
Acquiring a Gentleman 2012 is still in Phase 1.

Dating Kiki 2.0 - preview of Episode 8 - Gregory and Holden

Gregory ......and I may go out on Friday. We will see. I do not know yet if I am available. For some reason, I do not use a single contraction when I am speaking with him. I think it is because he does not use contractions.


Holden ......is the new front runner.
AND WE ALL KNOW HOW GREAT I AM AT PICKING OUT FRONT RUNNERS.

#curlyhair  #adorable #SIGH #doomed #ihopenot

Dating Kiki 2.0: Episode 7 - Felix Crashes and Burn

Review of Felix:current front runner.
former military. fun to chat with.
our plans last week got screwed up, and it was all very puzzling to me
wrote him an honest direct letter, which he never responded to.

We did have pleasant email exchanges and made plans to meet today. 

EXCEPT, mid-week, there was yet *another* ODD interaction:

1. Puzzling emails. Nice, making plans, but....off, somehow
2. I finally just asked him to call me (I'd had enough of trying to decipher the subtext of email messages. Just...enough.)  Like, CLARITY, NOW!!!
3. Wait for it....
4. HIS PHONE WAS BROKEN. It was at the Sprint store.
5. What a coincidence, I said.
6. He can not come up with a single idea of how to communicate with voice. Doesn't know any of his neighbors (what?), no webcam therefore no skype.
7. He has a knack for not quite answering even direct questions. His answers are replete w/ little inconsistencies.
8. He concludes that "it seems I don't trust him."
9. And then signs off.
10. Haven't heard from him since.

I ended up googling a little...and found that the picture he uses online is also used on other social networking sites, and they are all captioned w/ different dates. Like a variance of 6 yrs. (Does it matter? idk...)

NOTE: Online pictures are universally disingenuous, in that we all put our 'best shot' up...((we don't post the ones with our face contorted or where one eye is shut or where things appear to be bulging out of our clothes.))  But to put an old photo and caption it as recent.... seems dishonest to me. Maybe I'm being too harsh.

So, readers, help me out? What the heck could be the issue here? Make me laugh, make me cry, whatever...but any ideas?

My plan:
After I read/assimilate all of your valuable input, I'm going to pick myself up, note any lessons learned, maybe get a pedicure,  and soldier on with this experiment!

Dating Kiki 2.0 - Episode 6 - Gregory (so far) and Felix (cont'd)

Online Gregory: 

• A decade or so older than I am
• Former pastor, now a professor
• Very cultured, very educated, very refined. 
• (At this point, you are asking, "WHY DID HE MESSAGE KIKI? And I'd have wondered the same thing, except that he was clear: simply b/c we both like CS Lewis's non-fiction.)

Sure, it's all kinda intimidating.
And b/c I strive for realness AND have that contrarian problem, I strongly resist trying to represent myself as cultured/refined/educated. So much that I may overdo "being me"....sprinkle LOLs and immature jokes throughout the emails.
Strangely, he still suggests a phone call.

Phone Gregory:

He throws out the word 'Luddite' in his very first sentence to me (self-describes).
Ha! BUT I KNOW THAT WORD, SIR.
So I feel pretty cool when I nonchalantly counter w/ stating my opposite view ( love/dependence on technology).
 (((And nevermind that I read more than I hear these kind of .50 cent words, so often I can't pronounce them. And b/c I'm more inclined to infer meanings than I am to actually consult dictionary.com,  I probably often misuse these words. But he doesn't know any of that.)))

A long conversation, jumping right in to real topics: Catholicism, the problem of Hell, some family history, a little of his dating history.  I feel he is way out of my league, but as I said to my daughter and her bf, "But I guess I'll just let him figure that out for himself."  Her bf told me that is progress for me!

So we'll see --I ended the conv. by saying we could work something out on the site's email...which made him LOL???...(I asked what was funny, and he said, "We can just phone each other."  ??)  So maybe this is the probem w/ Luddites, b/c I was thinking, "But if we email/text, then we can be doing 5 other things at the same time!"

So we will see.


Felix, the current front-runner:


So he never responded to my long, honest message.
Instead, he just sent messages like nothing ever happened.
Brief, light messages. Like, "How was your day?" messages.
He asked to make a plan for the weekend.
I said yes.
I am puzzled and excited at the same time.

Numbers:

3:1  Odds that it will actually happen

7:1     Odds that this will not be a love connection, but instead will result in me learning another valuable Online Dating Lesson   ((Perennia already has a hunch, and told me as much. But she's not spelling out what the lesson is exactly. *sigh* She wants me to learn it for myself, grasshoppa)

3  Number of Times I have been wrong about the "frontrunner" so far haha

He Can Fly

Jeb Corliss.
Lucas showed him to me.

• Lived all over the place as a kid (TCK?)
• Felt different, struggled w/ depression as a young man
• Found purpose in taking risks/facing fears/DEFYING LAWS OF NATURE

It's called BASE jumping --BASE is an acronym for places they like to jump from...Buildings Antennas Spans (think bridges) Earth (think cliffs).

Dating Kiki 2.0 - Updates (Bert, Elmer) and a Preview (Felix)

First, let's review:

Bert  - Stood me up kinda, work emergency. 

Elmer - The Most Interesting Man in the World, YOLO guy

Felix - On deck.  I have a strange, strong pull toward him. I may have already blown it.

Updates

Bert:  Communicating via the site. Very loose plans to connect ...never materialized. And today he "closed" me! (On this site, it means you won't be able to communicate anymore nor see past communication)  I LOL-ed.

Elmer: We're going to walk again! I don't know if there's any potential for a romance, but he's an interesting person, and I'm happy to spend more time with him.

Preview

NOTE: This is me, being really honest about mistakes. Like I said, I'm going to share the good, the bad, and the ugly. This would be classified under "the ugly", not like, hideously ugly, but...well, you can read and decide how ugly it is for yourself. 

Felix:  We have only talked online. SO MUCH RESONANCE. Keeping my feelings in check, b/c of the Online Persona Axiom. (irl > online). But I love chatting (typing/writing) with him. He's fun, and not boring.

We were supposed to meet this weekend, and it got confusing and didn't work out.  In my head, he 'stood me up'. I said "no" to 2 fun offers to clear out the day for Felix, and so when we couldn't connect, I was irritated. We kept missing each other online (neither of us like giving our # out, so we'd agreed to use the site for communication)

In my irritation, I may have mis-interpreted some things. 

OK, I admit it. I went back and read the chat, and I definitely filled in my own blanks in the conversation in a bad way. So my daughter, who is brilliant in the traditional IQ/SAT way and also in the Emotional Intelligence way, listened to the abbreviated account over Dunkin Donuts coffee, which  helped me sort it out. At her suggestion, I sent a message that (hopefully) explained my perspective a little better.

(And who knows if/how he'll respond. And so this may be a preview to absolutely nothing!)

Dating Kiki 2.0: Episode 5 - Elmer in Real Life

As previously mentioned, Elmer is:

• well-traveled - job and pleasure
• young-ish, hip, adventurous
• living in close proximity to my work

I am intrigued by his philosophy of life (YOLO, but in truly cool ways)....the idea that if you have a boring life, that's on you...you make your destiny, that sort of thing.

I suspect he's gonna find me to be a monumental bore. I have never, nor do I ever want to:

• bungee jump, sky dive, or anything that could end with my body as a splat
• hang out in s american jungles
• go clubbing in Dubai

In fact, Kiki-version of excitement is that:

• some stores in my town finally went 24 hrs (family of night owls)
• sometimes we get a package from UPS
• sometimes my pug does something really hilarious

So I'm honest w/ him about lifestyle difference; he still wants to meet. I walk everyday on my lunch hour, I suggest he joins me.
My kid refers to him as "The Most Interesting Man in the World", sends encouraging texts to me the day we're meeting.

It actually works out. We meet at lunchtime, walk around the city I work in, talking the whole time. Conversation is easy.

He's really super cool. I believe the things he tells me about his job/travel. Maybe I'm naive, but it all feels genuine.

We end up talking about relationship stuff, which surprises me...because I really did just want to hear more about his adventures. I can't imagine how he'll connect with me & what my life's about right now. (Not YOLO, but more like EIDHCFKMRT  [everything I do has consequences for kids, must remember that] haha)  but I give it a whirl, and explain how a person who craves the creative process ended up in a cubicle surrounded by grayish blue walls.
Turns out he has a family member in this situation -- he can extrapolate a little there.

I am thinking we're incompatible, but he's very nice and asks if we can do things before he leaves for his next exotic destination. I am really surprised, and explain why. He says the nicest thing: He'll walk with me every day until he leaves, if that's all I want to do.
(Which totally makes me want to walk with him every day until he leaves. haha)

We end the walk a little late.

My kids, after hearing about the date, are like, "LET HIM TAKE YOU PLACES. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" haha

((But he's younger than I think is good, we don't line up on more serious things than lifestyle, and they don't understand that it really is a problem if I never want to club in Dubai...))

So I'm filing Elmer under: "Fascinating People I Got to Meet as a Result of the Kiki 2.0 Dating Experiment".


On deck:  Felix  - Military, similar interests, no talk of meeting irl yet, but he's showing enough promise to get a blog entry =)











.